No Shadows Without the Sun
by FaerieLight
Summary: This is a fanfic of a fanfic, written in the world of Silver Queen's Dreaming of Sunshine: Naruto has returned from his travels with Jiraiya with a few new jutsu, a crush on Shikako Nara, and no skill whatsoever in hiding his feelings. More intent on taking down their enemies, Shikako just hopes Naruto comes to his senses soon.


_This is a one-shot fanfic of a fanfic, based on Silver Queen's magnificent Dreaming of Sunshine. If you haven't read DOS, find it asap and prepare to spend the next few days utterly absorbed (like, to the point that you forget to eat). Then maybe consider coming back here if you can't get enough of the DOS gang. Thank you, Silver Queen, for allowing us fans to write in the beautiful world you've created._

 _Ahem, so, I'm quite pleased that DOS puts so little emphasis on romance because Shikako is a badass who can carry the story in all its glorious badassery sans any drama brought on by romantic conflict. It's refreshing. That said, I know I am not alone in shipping Shikako with one character or another. This fic is dedicated to Shikako x Naruto._

 _Truth be told, I never could see this pairing happening. As many others have pointed out on the forum, Shikako is more maternal with regards to Naruto or plays the role of a helpful big sister, always looking out for him. But I started to think, "Okay, let's just say it does happen, how could it realistically come about?" Then it turned into this behemoth of a one shot._

 _Since the impetus for this fic was Shikako x Naruto (Shikuto? Narako?), that stuff's where I go into more depth, but I couldn't help having fun with the awesomeness that is Shikako takin' on the baddies. To get through all that, I had to go with a lot of exposition. Please forgive any small discrepancies and the plot points to which I only allude. There shouldn't be anything crazy major wrong with this plot-wise. If there is, feel free to PM me. Honestly though, this one-shot is already massive. Any more plot and it would destroy me._

 _Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto, and Shikako Nara is the kickass creation of Silver Queen._

 _ **Warning** : Potential spoilers up to Chapter 140/141 of Dreaming of Sunshine. Also, there are a couple spoilers based on SQ's work on deviantart._

 _Hope you enjoy it!_

 _._

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No Shadows Without the Sun

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A single moment of distraction gave Sasuke the opening he needed to land a hearty kick. My body buckled at the waist as I went flying backwards, but a quick flush of chakra let me recover enough to plant a hand on the ground, spring upwards, twist, and land on my feet.

When I did not re-engage, Sasuke tensed and laid a hand on his chakra sabre, alert for concealed enemies. But it was not that kind of distraction. Far from it, though his assumption made perfect sense.

We were a year into the war with Kumo, and the furor showed no signs of slackening. My life consisted of startling contrasts: frantic activity and sheer boredom, high-speed races and sluggish watches, absolute terror and mind-numbing relief. Extended exposure to that kind of stress was a huge reason so many ANBU operatives medically failed out in times of war, if they didn't develop a complex about self-sacrifice and go the kamikaze route. The rest of us tended towards neurotic behavior. Something had to give.

And in my case, I took note of each casualty and thought _"I did that._ " It wasn't healthy, but I couldn't help it.

On the training field, I still didn't move. The reason for my distraction was really too distracting to do anything but fixate on the chakra signature approaching the main gates of Konoha. This chakra had nothing to do with war and death or the rush of adrenaline and the inevitable crash. It was everything war was not. It was light and warmth and a bubbly sort of happiness, spilling over.

I was terrified of being wrong; I had to focus and confirm.

"The hell?" Sasuke said, hiding his concern under a thick layer of annoyance.

The companion's chakra, deep and calm as the sea on a windless day, decided it. A wave of relief crashed over me, and I scoffed that I'd worried the chakra could be anyone else's. No two people could exist with chakra like that, brightening the day simply by existing.

A smile broke out across my face. I cast Sasuke a glance. "Race you to the main gate?"

A body flicker carried me away with the next breath.

I saw Naruto before he saw me. He and Jiraiya stood at the guard station, checking in with Izumo. His hands were interlaced behind his head, his posture casual and confident. He'd grown taller, definitely taller than me. His head topped Jiraiya's shoulders, and the natural spikiness of his blonde hair gave him an extra inch or two.

Then Naruto waved his hands wildly at something Izumo said and got a laugh in return. His gaze roved over Konoha, drinking it in.

He looked so young.

My smile slipped. He had returned early. _Too early?_ I wondered with some worry. I didn't remember how many years were skipped over in canon. Wasn't it closer to three? It had only been two. We had just turned fifteen. Or had something terrible happened? Had Akatsuki acted, seeking to take advantage when our resources were drained and redirected?

Naruto's blue-eyed gaze landed on me, and my fears didn't matter so much anymore. He was tanned and healthy. Very much the same bundle of energy, very much alive.

As a giant smile stretched across his face, I bounded forward and flung my arms around his neck. He spun me around in a circle and chattered happily in my ear. Before he put me down, I planted a big, smacking kiss right on his whiskered cheek. Hey, I was happy.

Naruto colored. Not his cheeks alone, his whole face surrendered to a vibrant blush. The sight made me grin.

"Eh?" I asked, making my eyes round, my voice teasing. "You've been with Jiraiya-sama so long you should be immune to my feminine wiles."

He grinned sheepishly and scratched his cheek. "Shikako-chan," he said, part embarrassed, part whiny. He was really pleased though. He would have little experience being welcomed home.

With the sobering thought in mind, I squeezed his hand and smiled warmly. Then I stepped back and let him and Sasuke greet each other. They actually hugged. I wished for a camera. Not one minute later, the boys were scowling at each other and arguing. Really. Jiraiya and I ignored them and chatted about seals until their ribbing turned into challenges for a spar.

"Oi!" said Jiraiya, catching their attention. "Tsunade-hime will want a report on Naruto's progress. Let's take care of it now, shall we?" He considered, scratching his chin, "Hm, Kakashi-kun's at the front, isn't he."

"Gai-sensei's in Konoha," I suggested. After hearing Naruto's his aghast "Shikako-chan!" I continued, more to Jiraiya, "After two years under the tutelage of the Great Toad Sage, I expect only someone of Gai-sensei's caliber could pose a challenge to him."

That satisfied Naruto - indeed, made him glow - but Jiraiya caught the implication. _You better not have slacked off...because if you did..._

But Jiraiya only looked smug. "In that case, you and Sasuke-chan will fight me."

I heard the message loud and clear: _You better not have slacked off either, brat._

"The two of us?" I said, sharing a smirk with Sasuke after he was done scowling at the unwelcome honorific. I shrugged my shoulders lightly. "All right then."

We tracked down Gai, who cried tears of joy. On our old training field, he and Naruto squared off and, at a signal, disappeared in blurs of green and orange.

"What's with his taijutsu?" Sasuke demanded, his Sharingan glued to the spar.

"It's called Frog Fu," said Jiraiya, nodding in satisfaction.

I blinked.

Frog Fu. He was learning Frog Fu. Wasn't that something he learned alongside Sage Mode? Did that mean -? But there was no orange shading around his eyes.

"It won't be complete until he's mastered one or two more steps," Jiraiya continued vaguely. _Senjutsu_ , I mentally added, _manipulating natural energy to reinforce his blocks and strengthen attacks, moving so fast he's practically invisible_. "But he's well on his way."

Even without the enhancements of Sage Mode, Frog Fu was incredible. Naruto had always favored blunt force in his taijutsu, but Frog Fu gave him that and more. It gave him coordinated fluidity. It gave him speed. When he learned to draw on natural energy... And we hadn't even seen whatever ninjutsu he'd developed.

I was grinning from ear to ear.

"Enough gawking," Jiraiya decided. He faced me and Sasuke with clear intent.

"Give me thirty seconds," I said to Sasuke in an undertone. If Jiraiya was testing our progress, why not bring out the big guns?

"Hn. Take a full minute." Flames raced up his arms, ready to deliver punishing heat.

Meditating as I was, I could feel their jutsus collide, their hands and legs striking and blocking. I could feel their breath and the pulsing of their hearts. I could feel everything. And when I opened my eyes, I could see it, too. My eyes were black - solid black, like those of a doe. A few locks of my hair turned silvery white and twined down my braid. Fawn spots dotted my cheeks.

Jiraiya caught sight of me. His eyes widened with shock.

I brought my hands together. "Sage Art: Antler Labyrinth."

With a well-timed body flicker, he escaped the assault of massive antlers shooting from the earth and came at me with all the agility of an S-class ninja, but I had trained with fleet-footed deer of the Sika tribe. I would never lose in a contest of speed. This form was still incomplete, but I was unmistakably the Deer Sage.

… … …

After the spar, my feet were light, my walk bouncy with glee. Naruto hurried over. He'd been flattened by Gai in the end, but that was in large part due to the fact that he kept taking his eyes off Gai to watch me and Sasuke. Jiraiya himself was looking rather battered. I was feeling pretty damn satisfied. We had grown.

"You're a Sage!" Naruto exclaimed.

I smiled. "I'm still in training, and I can't hold the form very long, but - yeah."

Naruto's gaze was appreciative and even a little awed.

"Your Frog Fu is amazing," I added. "I can't believe you only used taijutsu against Gai-sensei. That's practically a death wish."

"And you didn't completely suck," Sasuke offered.

He grinned. "You didn't suck either, bastard."

"That was nothing," he scoffed.

"Nothing?" cried Naruto. "Why didn't you go all out and demolish Ero-sennin then?"

I coughed. "We, uh, have to maintain combat readiness."

Naruto didn't seem to understand the full implication behind what I'd said, but that was okay. He wasn't supposed to.

Gai and Jiraiya came over, the latter clapping a hand on my shoulder. "Not bad, kiddos."

"Not bad?" Naruto squawked. "We were awesome, but hey, Shikako-chan, I just realized you don't have a deer sticking out of your shoulders or anything! So how were you gathering natural energy?"

So he had at least learned the theory. He was leagues ahead of where he had been in canon. I could scarcely think past the relief that gave me.

"Maybe I'll tell you," I said cheekily. "Buy me a bowl of ramen first."

A pink tinge rose to his cheeks, but he agreed readily enough.

Gai complimented our youth and bid us a hearty farewell. Jiraiya waved off the invitation, saying he had his own date to get to - by which I was sure he meant he wanted to go bother Tsunade. I looped my arms through Naruto and Sasuke's, and we all trooped to Ichirakus for a well-deserved bowl or twelve of ramen. (Sasuke and I placed bets on how many Naruto would put away.) We ran into Team Ten and covered for Hinata when she fainted dead away.

The Ichirakus welcomed Naruto like a son or brother come home. Grins and snickers abounded. It was like a time before the war, before we'd lost friends and family, before we spent every minute of wake and sleep on alert for an attack. The atmosphere was the all the sweeter for it, as though the storm clouds had fled and the sun shone in all its glory. War? What war? Naruto let loose a shoulder-shaking laugh.

Kiba and I pestered Naruto for stories of his time with Jiraiya. Hinata woke up and blushed so prettily that I was surprised Naruto didn't fall for her right then and there. Even Shino looked pleased - Naruto had remembered him, after all. (That was due to me and me alone, but Shino didn't have to know that.) There was laughter and disbelief in the retelling of our time apart, and I sat quietly, listening and enjoying. I was glowing with contentedness.

It couldn't last. I should have known.

Both Sasuke and I tensed when our ANBU seals grew hot. Sasuke tossed money on the counter, made his excuses, and slipped from the stand without another word. When I offered a slightly more intelligible but still pathetic reason for the desertion and tried to follow, Naruto caught my arm. His eyes were wide and bewildered.

"But you haven't finished your ramen!"

" _I just got back_ " is what I heard. He looked more than a little hurt.

"We _have_ to go." Honestly, that was as explicit as I'd ever been. I'd bet anything Ino had figured it out two months ago. My dad certainly knew. Shikamaru had paled when he'd realized and would scarcely speak a word to me for a week. Now Team Eight probably knew, too - as if disappearing in the middle of lunch with Naruto wasn't suspicious as hell. Yep, I confirmed it. Kiba's eyes were round. Hinata's brow creased. Shino looked...the exact same.

"I'm so sorry, Naruto," I said earnestly. "I'll make it up to you. I promise." Then I broke the hold he had on my arm and ran off.

It was a quick mission. Two days of pure sabotage. Explosions galore. Very satisfying.

But Naruto was waiting, and when we got back to Konoha safe and sound, things didn't immediately return to normal. Naruto knew something was up, knew we weren't telling, saw us communicating once or twice with hand signals he couldn't understand - which would have been careless of us, honestly, but by that point, we were trying to get him to realize the truth without outright telling him. Red Team specialized in infiltration and sabotage. We were in high demand, but Naruto was stuck in Konoha or Mount Myoboku since there was strong evidence Akatsuki would attempt to snatch him from the battlefield should an opportunity arise.

Yugito Nii had already fallen to them, and nothing could convince the Raikage that her captors were a group of S-class missing nin, not Konoha forces. Her loss only intensified the war. Hidden Cloud wanted revenge. Worse, in a backwards kind of way, Akatsuki hadn't made a move against Gaara yet. They weren't collecting the bijuu in the order of tails, and that made me very, very nervous. I couldn't predict when they'd come for Naruto.

Naruto became - well, he could never be called surly; he didn't have the personality for it - he grew frustrated, though, and tried to hide it behind a laughing facade. We all felt the disconnect and suffered it for several days before Sasuke spoke in such plain terms that even Naruto could read between the lines. He looked back and forth between the two of us before saying we better be watching each other's backs.

Sasuke and I exchanged a look of relief. From the corner of my eye, I saw Naruto turn his face away.

Maybe it was foolish of me to expect Naruto to be the same perpetually happy soul as the thirteen year old we'd known. He was quieter - or less loud; Naruto could never be called quiet. A little more thoughtful, less impulsive. But all of that was expected, if a little sad - I'd always remember the younger Naruto and his unrestrained exuberance with fondness.

The maturity was welcome. Other things were not. When he huffed at Sasuke about jutsus, there was an edge to it, and the rather forced cheer he put on for me made me draw my brows in concern. I doubted anyone else even noticed, but it bothered Sasuke even more than me.

Then one day, the boys disappeared. I was busy with seal work, and in a moment when my thoughts began to drift from the seal, I realized I couldn't sense them in Konoha. Maybe one of the training fields on the outskirts? I bit my lip. The range of my sensing had expanded considerably, even when I wasn't in Sage Mode. If they were in Konoha, I would know it.

I dithered. I fretted. I grew really, really worried and was about to barge into Tsunade's office when I felt them return. A few minutes later, I caught them in my shadow, which I embued with no small amount of anger. They had the good grace to look ashamed. Their clothes were ripped and skin smudged with dirt and leaves while their chakra levels had sunk, so two guesses what they'd been up to.

"You went beyond the buffer zone," I said severely. And used an ANBU gate, no doubt.

Aside from a smattering of guilt, Naruto looked...good. Better. Relieved. The air of tension between him and Sasuke had disappeared so completely it might never have been there in the first place. Boys. It shouldn't have surprised me. Everything between those two got blown out of proportion. If a good pummeling was all they needed, I'd have offered my services.

"Next time you have the urge to be reckless idiots, at least invite me along to watch your backs, yeah?"

Naruto ducked his head. He ran a nervous hand through his hair. Sasuke looked at me like it was all my fault. I frowned and crossed my arms.

Predictably, Naruto suggested we go for ramen. I agreed, but Sasuke said he had stuff to do. When I narrowed my eyes and asked what kind of stuff, he said, "Jutsu stuff."

Some silent communication passed between Sasuke and Naruto. After a moment, I shrugged. I didn't mind having Naruto all to myself.

By the time he'd inhaled a bowl of ramen, Naruto had brightened considerably, and we kept up a steady flow of conversation about Sage Mode. His training was put on hold while the toad teaching him stuck with Jiraiya. I almost had a heart attack when I considered that Jiraiya might be with that little, old toad, whose name I could not remember, infiltrating Hidden Rain, but I knew he'd gone to the northern front instead. Jiraiya's death was another plot point I was desperate to circumvent. Thankfully, Naruto didn't notice my preoccupation.

"- so I don't know if maybe you have some pointers?"

A question. Whoops. "Wait, help with what specifically?" I asked, as though I'd only misunderstood rather than zoned out.

"Sensing natural energy!" Duh, his tone implied.

"I'm not sure I can," I admitted. "I never had to learn how. For me, it's always been there."

"Whaddya mean 'always'?"

"When I was little, I used to choke on air when I tried to breathe. It felt so heavy with natural energy."

His face twisted in a funny expression. "But how can you choke on air?"

I did my best to answer, but it was a little like explaining why water was wet. With that and the other questions he peppered me with, I'd just about talked myself hoarse by the time we were ready to go. Except...Naruto had only eaten two bowls of ramen and the second wasn't quite empty. I pointed that out to him.

"Hm, guess I was distracted - um, listening to you."

Okay? That was sweet, if a little odd. Really though, his attention span showed marked improvement. Once he would never have sat for a full hour while I blathered on about using fuinjutsu in conjunction with Sage Mode, not without his eyes glazing over.

"I can wait while you have another bowl," I offered.

"Nah, I'm good. Hey, why don't we head to the training field and work on senjutsu? I know I can't try drawing on natural energy! But I can work on sensing it."

He was being a bit obtuse; I'd already told him I couldn't help with that. Furthermore, I had a vague memory of some special oil from Mount Myoboku he needed to sense natural energy in the beginning.

"I might have a better idea," I said and glanced around. The street was rather crowded. "How's Kurama?"

"Uh, fine?" he said, taken aback. "He's still angry most the time, but not _all_ the time. I can summon three tails worth of his chakra without going crazy or anything. Gets tricky on the fourth, though. Why do you wanna know?"

Naruto could handle it. The question was...could I? Kakashi sensei wasn't around. Tenzo wasn't around, but I could make repression seals if the Kyuubi's chakra tried to take over. I was a full-fledged jounin; it should be possible.

"Senjutsu's not the only thing I've been working on. I had this one pretty cool idea - super cool," I corrected myself. "A super cool idea for a jutsu. It won't work for me right now. I don't have the chakra or the right technique for it. But I thought you might be interested."

I'd had him from "super cool." He bounced as we walked.

"We better get Tsunade's permission," I continued. "This training might be dangerous. And you could only do it when I'm around. If she agrees, we'll pretty much be stuck together for the next month or however long it takes."

Naruto's grin was blinding.

… … …

Tsunade gave her permission and went further. She took me off ANBU's active roster. I would have protested, but the reason for it was clear and compelling: Tsunade feared for Naruto's safety. Itachi and Kisame had already demonstrated they could penetrate our ranks with embarrassing ease. We both wanted Naruto to be as powerful as he could be. With an admonition not to neglect my own training and an all-too-serious warning to keep the explosions to a minimum, Tsunade kicked us out of her office. So Naruto's training to combine shape manipulation and wind-natured chakra began the following morning. I only let him use twenty clones; I didn't trust myself to handle more than that, not yet.

Midway through the first day, we were spent - me from chakra loss, Naruto from excessive concentration. We both lay on our backs breathing deeply. In three hours, the Kyuubi's chakra had appeared eight times. Repression seals took a big chunk of my own chakra, and I had to fight back my instinct to run _from_ the Kyuubi rather than _towards_ it.

"Sorry I haven't made any progress," Naruto said, "but you better believe I'm gonna get it!"

Surprised, I cracked an eye open. "It's the first day of an attempt to create an entirely new, potentially S-rank jutsu. Be realistic."

"But you're giving up loads of time to help me!"

"It's good for me, too," I mumbled, thinking how easy it would be to take a nap right now. The sun was warm on my skin, and I was tired. "One day you'll be summoning the Kyuubi's chakra in battle, and I have to learn to deal with that so I can fight alongside you."

Naruto sat up. "Deal with it? Deal with what?"

Ah. I hadn't meant to be so explicit, and I'd never intended to tell him that Kyuubi had been the monster of my nightmares for most of my life - this one, anyways. But Naruto was waiting for an explanation.

Groaning, I pulled myself into a sitting position. Naruto squinted at me. "Kyuubi terrifies me," I admitted and told him briefly about remembering the day of his birth, a watered down version but no less the truth.

Naruto was incredulous. "But when I told you and Shikamaru in the hospital that day, you just accepted it! I couldn't believe it. You just went with it like it was no big deal!"

"I already knew." I wondered how he would take that. Would he think I lied to him? He just looked astonished.

"Since when?"

"At the bridge with Zabuza and Haku, I sensed it and asked Kakashi-sensei later. He confirmed it because...I had already guessed."

"But you didn't treat me any different then either!"

I scratched my nose and wished he wouldn't shout. "It was always clear to me that you weren't the Kyuubi, if that's what you mean. His chakra is cruel and menacing and overwhelming, like - hot poison flooding my veins. Yours is beautiful."

He stared at me long enough that I started searching for something new to say, but Naruto blurted out, "Do you like Sasuke?"

I suffered mental whiplash. It took several moments of blinking before I rallied my mental faculties. "Uh, like him?"

Yeah, that was it. That was all I could manage.

Naruto's gaze dropped to the ground. His eyes might have bored a hole into it with their intensity. "You and Sasuke got close. I can tell. I've been gone, and I guess I knew stuff wouldn't be exactly the same when I came back, but you're both so amazing, and when you spar, you're in sync even if you're fighting each other, and even when you're not, it's like you know what each other's thinking. And it occurred to me that if you got together," his voice raised a pitch or two, "I could support you and everything."

"Uh," I said intelligently, "me and Sasuke, together, as in going out? That's what you're asking about?" I still needed the clarification.

He nodded once. His jaw was clenched.

"Um, no? Definitely not. And me liking him? Not that way. Not at all. No siree. Nope."

I was still reeling at the thought of dating Sasuke and where all this had sprung from so suddenly, so I scarcely noticed how Naruto's head shot up or how he studied me. My thoughts were so far away from that sort of thing. There was too much else to occupy my attention. A war, for one, and while love could form on the battlefield - my own parents were proof of that - I was far more preoccupied with taking down Akatsuki. And Orochimaru, because the dude needed to die. So did Kabuto. Danzo would be the trickiest to bring down, but I'd been planting seeds that were taking root. _Root, heh._

And liking Sasuke specifically? Um, no. There was the slight impediment of the Uchiha massacre, my foreknowledge of it, and an unhealthy dose of guilt to preclude any such notions. Not to mention the age difference, if it could be called that.

"Oh, okay," said Naruto, "I just wondered. Ready to get started again?"

Mental whiplash, indeed. Not as acute this time, but really, the boy had a gift for disjointed conversation. Furthermore, my brain had returned, and I'd begun piecing together clues...

"Is this why you've been acting funny? You were trying to figure out - this thing about me and Sasuke. And maybe figuring out how you fit into it?"

He twitched and made a sheepish face, definitely embarrassed.

"You were feeling left out. Why didn't you come talk to me?" I asked. "You've never had a problem with that before. Have you?" My thoughts ran through the past few days. "And you did talk to Sasuke yesterday. You went to him before me."

Honestly, I was sad about that. Naruto had always been so open with me.

"Guess I didn't really mean to talk to either one of you about it," he muttered. A deeper flush crept up his neck, and I felt guilty for making him talk now when it clearly made him uncomfortable. I might have stopped there, changed the subject, and moved on, but I knew there was more. I waited.

After a long moment, he mumbled, "It felt sorta like you and Sasuke left me behind."

My heart squeezed.

"We would never leave you behind. You're our teammate and irreplaceable friend. You're stuck with us." I paused, seeing a problem with what I'd said. I hesitated, unused to being so blunt about such things, but Naruto was listening so closely. He needed to hear this.

So I moved to my knees and put my hands on either side of his whiskered cheeks, tilting his face upwards so that he would look at me and know. "And that's true for me alone. I mean, you matter, Naruto. To me. To Sasuke. Individually and all together."

His gaze softened.

I grinned. "Besides, I don't think we could leave you behind, what with your insane progress. Soon enough you'll master this jutsu and become a Sage, then you'll help rid the world of Akatsuki, and somewhere along the way you'll learn to control Kurama's chakra. In a few years, you'll be Hokage, and we'll still be little, ole jounin. Us leave you behind? Che, you'll have to slow down -"

I blinked.

What...was happening?

Naruto had moved. Grabbed my hand and -

My mouth, his lips -

I was kissing Naruto. Or rather, he was kissing me, and I was just...kneeling there, paralyzed by shock. His lips were warm; his grip on my hand gentle. But I was stone cold. I really couldn't say how long it lasted, but at some point, Naruto scrambled backwards, his skin color warring between red and white.

His breath came shakily. He fisted his hands in the grass. "I didn't mean to - well, I did, but not now, not so soon - I - arg!" Then he rolled on the ground, away from me then back to me and away again. He covered his face.

Seeing his distress was enough to wake me from my frozen state. "Breathe, Naruto."

He sucked in several mouthfuls of air. Then his eyes darted to me again. I was readying myself to say...something. Hadn't worked out what yet.

Naruto beat me to it, suddenly pushing to his knees and looking at me head-on again. I caught the determined glint in his eyes. "When I was gone, you were the person I missed the most," he said in a rush, "and I started to realize I probably - liked you. Then I got here. I saw you and - I wasn't expecting how _strong_ my feelings were."

A confession. That was what this was. I'd begun to wrap my head around the idea that Naruto lost his head to hormones. But -

An actual confession. This was different.

I blinked.

Logically, I knew this sort of thing could happen. Objectively, I was intelligent, strong, came from a good family, and wasn't terrible looking. And had an unfortunate habit of attracting attention. The stranger thing would be if no one was ever interested in me romantically, even if it was a passing interest. The simple truth was that the Rookie Nine was growing up. Shikamaru had already waded into the dating pool. Maybe others had too, and I just didn't know about it. This was a natural progression, a part of maturation.

Logically and objectively, I could see it. But this was _Naruto_. I was as petrified as completely as one of those toad statues on Mount Myoboku.

"- and you and Sasuke were - and I could just tell - but then Sasuke said that was wrong."

He'd been jealous.

Oh.

Short-tempered with Sasuke, awkward around me, and guilty for feeling anything but happiness on our behalf.

"I really didn't mean to do that." He ran a hand through his hair. "I got carried away."

I was still kneeling there dumbly.

"And you don't have to say anything! I know you don't, y'know, feel the same." He cast a glance at me, as though he held a faint hope he was wrong, that maybe I did -

Oh.

In blunt terms, I had to nip this in the bud. Naruto belonged with Hinata; she belonged with him. I was in the way. Hinata already cared for him. Maybe right now her affection was closer to admiration and fluttery feelings, but given time, it would blossom into love - real love, pure and honest and powerful. It was far more than I could ever offer him. It was what he deserved, more than anyone I knew.

"You are my precious friend and teammate, Naruto," I said slowly as I begged my brain to find a solution, to map out the best strategy for handling this, some way to set things straight for him, some way that wouldn't hurt him.

"Honestly, I've always thought of you as a little brother."

Ouch. I hated myself.

Naruto flinched, just a little.

We sat in silence for a while. For me, it was an anxious silence. I couldn't believe that Naruto would give me the cold shoulder; such pettiness wasn't in his nature. But I'd still rejected his confession.

"You're only a couple of weeks older than me. 'Little brother,'" he scoffed in a playful tone.

 _If only you knew_ , I thought sadly.

He managed a grin, though I could see the effort it took. "Sorry for, erm, kissing you."

"That's right," I said in a valiant attempt at normalcy. "I should be pummeling you for stealing my first kiss."

"Hehe," he chuckled. He scratched his cheek.

I was silent again. Waiting for the right thing to say, ready to act when it was clear there was something I could do -

"Yosh!" he cried, springing to his feet and slapping his cheeks. "Gotta nail this jutsu."

I could use another few minutes to recover, but I was not about to say that, not when he so obviously need something else to occupy his mind. Two hours later, my body felt like a limp rag, wrung out and hung out to dry. We called it quits for the day and made plans to meet up in the morning again. I would work in the idea of using a second clone eventually, but he needed to wrap his head around his elemental affinity first. Maybe I should see if Asuma was in the village?

I was already heading away, but Naruto called out, "Um, Shikako-chan?"

Anxiety returning full-force, I paused and watched Naruto rub the back of his head.

"You don't have to be afraid of the Kyuubi. I'd never let him hurt you."

I wanted to hug him but wavered. Naruto seemed to understand; he opened his arms a little in invitation. Touched and relieved, I wrapped my arms around him. "Thank you, Naruto," I whispered into his shoulder.

He squeezed me and let me go.

Watching him walk away, I worried about him. He seemed - he seemed okay, though. Not happy exactly, a little down, but okay. This crush was little more than a footnote in his life. After all, he'd eventually given up on Sakura. Or was it that he'd fallen in love with Hinata instead? Either way, he wouldn't be down for long.

He was Naruto. He'd bounce back. He always did.

… … …

Kakuzu was dead. His five hearts were mangled masses of blood and shredded cardiac muscle. I had never imagined encountering Akatsuki here, at the Fire Temple, but then I hadn't known about the massive bounty on Chiriku's head.

Or maybe I had forgotten.

The bigger surprise was some guy I'd never seen in the manga wearing an Akatsuki cloak. A bear-like man with a stupid little goatee. I wondered if he admired Raikage or something. I'd never know. He was dead, too, courtesy of Asuma and Chiriko.

It had taken a full team led by Kakashi-sensei to kill Kakuzu before. This time it was just me and Naruto. Of course, it helped that I already knew the secret behind his supposed immortality. Naruto lay flat on the ground with exhaustion. I managed to sit before collapsing, but I had my hands pressed on the ground in front of me to keep me more or less upright.

"Why did you do that?" Naruto asked hoarsely. "Why'd you jump in front of me?"

Sighing, I held up my fingers one by one. "Your jutsu failed the first time, but you still charged at him with another one, which also sputtered out. You were about to get run through with those thread things. I knew I could take him by surprise and likely destroy one of his hearts."

"I heal," he insisted. "You got impaled. Again."

"That was my shadow form, Naruto. Physical objects pass right through me. I should have shown it to you weeks ago just in case this happened. It was foolish of me not to."

"I thought -"

"I know. I'm sorry."

He released a breath. "You're okay now?"

"I'm okay. Chakra depleted, but okay."

Cracking a smile, he said, "I finally got to see Shikabane-hime in action."

I rolled my eyes.

As Asuma and Chiriko examined the bodies, we rested and reveled in the fact that we were alive and had taken down an S-class ninja. Yep. All in a day's work. Sasuke would be pissed he wasn't here. So very pissed. I rather dreaded Tsunade's reaction though. It had taken a lot to persuade her that Naruto needed to continue his training in senjutsu outside of Konoha, that my own experience at the Fire Temple had been enlightening, that it wouldn't hurt to hear about senjutsu from another perspective and gain a more thorough understanding of its many facets, that I couldn't do that for him in Konoha because there were some things you just had to experience, and that Naruto, a powerhouse in his own right, would be perfectly safe with two jounin escorts, one of whom was a fledgling Sage. And yes, it would be beneficial for my own training as well.

She'd never listen to me again.

I pushed that from my mind and looked at Naruto, "How are you feeling? The new jutsu -"

"Wind Release: Rasenshuriken," he said with considerable satisfaction.

Third time's the charm, as they say. When it worked, the jutsu had devastated the two remaining hearts. I got the other three.

"What sort of effect did it have on you?"

"My arm feels weird," he admitted.

Upon hearing that, I found that I could move.

"Eh, you gotta rest!"

"Make me," I said.

"I can't." He could barely even twitch. "But Shikako-chan -"

"Hush," I ordered. His arm wasn't physically harmed, but there was definitely something weird about his chakra coils. Under my Mystical Palm jutsu, Naruto relaxed, releasing some tension I hadn't even noticed. I bit my lip and tried to concentrate, but Naruto made that difficult.

He was staring up at me intently. When I met his eyes, I thought he would look away with embarrassment. He didn't, though his emotions were written so plainly on his face.

Exhausted as he was, he smiled. "Sorry, Shikako-chan, I know it's not what you want to hear, but I really do like you."

He looked so relieved to admit it. I didn't understand why.

"Baka," I said softly.

… … ….

The war was reaching its second year, and Tsunade decided the Rookies were too valuable to be wasted sitting on our asses any longer. Her initial reasoning still held true. We made prime targets. Countering that, we'd grown stronger, and no one wanted this war to drag on.

There were nights when I never slept. The body count kept rising. Never mind that I rarely knew the dead and wounded. They weren't supposed to die, not like this. Now it would be my friends fighting for Konoha, fighting for their lives in this war that shouldn't have happened.

Naruto was tasked with a supporting role. Supply runs mostly. He chafed, but I was glad. He couldn't afford to be vulnerable, not with Akatsuki watching and waiting. Even better, we were together - me, Naruto, Sasuke, and sometimes Kakashi-sensei. In those rare off-duty snippets of time, we took solace in each other's company. I needed those stolen moments. They kept me sane. Sasuke, too. After all, the two of us had become the keystones of an entire contingent, and there was no way Cloud didn't recognize our tactics from the year we'd spent wreaking havoc during ANBU operations. They upgraded our statuses to "kill on sight."

To my dismay, I could no longer escape recognition for my actions and hide behind the anonymity of Bat. So when a shinobi whose life I had saved approached me as I walked with Sasuke and Naruto, I prepared the usual words to accept the gratitude and subsequently deflect the attention.

"Nara-san," he said, swallowing anxiously, and damn but I couldn't remember his name, "might I have a private word with you?"

I swallowed my prepared response. "Um, sure?" I said rather doubtfully. I wasn't sure how he planned to achieve the "private" part. This was an encampment of ninja, each nosier than the last. He glanced around and figeted, seeming to arrive at the same conclusion.

I looked at my teammates and frowned to see that Naruto had blanched. When I gave the shinobi another glance, I could discern nothing threatening about him. Sure, a private word was peculiar, but I was quite confident I could handle myself in the event this guy proved untrustworthy.

"I'll catch up with you," I told them.

Naruto opened his mouth to speak, but Sasuke grabbed him by the arm and dragged him away. Naruto kept casting anxious glances over his shoulder.

Frowning again, I turned back to the as-yet-nameless shinobi and was about to suggest walking a short ways where I couldn't sense as many people, but the guy - I'd never remember his name - suddenly bowed. "Nara-san!" he yelped.

I jumped.

In full view of a dozen other ninja, Hiroshi Homura stutteringly introduced himself and told me that he had admired me for a long time and, even though I kinda frightened him, he had developed feelings for me. Passionate feelings. I couldn't even hear the rest of the confession because my brain was engulfed by astonishment bordering on horror. His mouth was moving, so presumably, words were coming out of it.

Enough cognitive function remained, though, that I could think of Naruto, identify his reaction to Homura, and suppress a sigh. It had been months since our fight with Kakuzu, and in that time, I'd begun to foster a hope that his feelings had changed, had returned to friendship. The look on his face though...

Nope.

I rejected Homura. Kindly, I hoped, but I was more concerned with Naruto. And frankly embarrassed as hell. Did he have to confess so goshdarn _loudly_? Afterwards, I wandered around camp past clusters of snickering ninjas before I collapsed between my teammates.

"Should we offer you congratulations?" asked Sasuke dryly. I grumbled, and Sasuke soon rose, saying he'd bring food. As far as friends went, Sasuke was, quite frankly, the best. Naruto was quiet, and I again found myself preparing words that I never got to utter.

"Sorry for being weird," Naruto said abruptly.

"You're not weird," I objected.

He was silent for a minute. "Sasuke says I should try dating other people, but that wouldn't be fair to them, would it?" The question was rhetorical. Naruto's tone made his opinion on the matter very clear. "You shouldn't...hold yourself back though. I don't know if you are exactly, but - all I mean to say is, you shouldn't take my feelings into account. You should be happy." He offered a smile that I knew was as brave as it was genuine. He actually wished for my happiness, even if it came at the cost of his own.

And that scared me more than anything. I had no script for this. I wasn't Sakura, so there was no reason for him to keep liking me for ages. At least in Sakura's case, her crush on Sasuke had always been so apparent, both here and in canon. That hadn't stopped Naruto from liking her, but he had known where he stood. With me, having no romantic attachments, it was like leaving a door cracked open. Maybe that was how he saw it. Maybe that's why my hints about Hinata fell on deaf ears. So, how could I fix this? How could I close the door? On the one hand, I had zero interest in anyone romantically and entertained serious doubts that I ever would. On the other hand -

"So...if I liked someone else," I said, "you'd give up on me?"

His smile seemed frozen in place.

"I wouldn't go _that_ far," he finally said. "Does it bother you that much?"

Then I said softly, "I think you'll be happier the sooner you stop -"

"I already tried that," he interrupted. "I knew it was a stupid plan. Didn't work." He breathed in. "Will you do one thing for me though? If you ever change your mind, if your feelings ever change, will you let me know first?"

What to do? Insist that hope was worthless? No point in that. Naruto created his own hope. If it were some other girl he liked, some other kunoichi that couldn't accept such devotion and caused him such unhappiness, I would surely, in my less generous moments, wonder what the hell was wrong with her.

What the hell was wrong with me?

I sighed and leaned on him. "You're the first person I'd tell. Promise."

… … …

We were pushing a major offensive to break Cloud strongholds in the Land of Hot Springs when I sensed Naruto's chakra spike. I couldn't let my attention wander far from my own fight, and Naruto was a Sage in truth now. He could handle himself. I sensed him summon a giant toad. Which one I didn't know, but I could tell when its chakra vanished, the summoning broken.

The Kyuubi's chakra lit the forest like a beacon, at least to me...and it was being suppressed.

"Naruto," I whispered.

"Go," said Sasuke tersely. "I got this."

Naruto's attackers weren't Akatsuki.

Not Danzo, not Kabuto, not Orochimaru. Not any enemy that I had spent years preparing to combat and kill.

They were Hidden Cloud. Eight ninja, four wounded by Naruto. I recognized Darui and Netsui and a blonde kunoichi from canon. They'd wounded Naruto's teammates, perhaps fatally. They'd slapped repression seals all over Naruto and had brought along a large vessel with a rope tied around the lip. The vessel was in the process of sucking Naruto into its depths.

I descended on the Cloud ninja like a wraith from hell. They were fast. I was faster. They were masters of kenjutsu. I had a fucking lightsaber. My blood boiled with fury.

Shadow Stitching tendrils planted Touch Blasts on the vessel and ripped the seals off Naruto. He withdrew to gather natural energy. When he rejoined me, his pupils weren't only horizontal. They were slitted. Toad Sage and jinchuriki in one, and I was both Sage and sealmaster. Darui should have been a terrifying opponent, but I had transcended the bounds of fear and heeded my heart's cry. It wanted vengeance. It wanted this to stop, _stop_ , **stop**.

The blonde kunoichi shrieked "Atsui!" when I cut him down. On his own, Darui could have escaped, but he wouldn't abandon his comrades when there was a chance to save them. They all fell to Shadow Paralysis.

Finally, I stood over the survivors as Naruto worked quickly to bind them. I had knockout tags. I should use them, should transport these prisoners of war back to our camp. Darui was a true prize.

I couldn't move.

I wanted to kill them.

And they knew it. They could feel it in my shadow. All my terror, my rage, my crushing guilt, they were magnified by the shadow. My prisoners felt everything. I was sure that, to them, I seemed a monster.

Then Naruto wrapped his arms around me from behind.

"You can't kill them," he said. "We already caught them. The fight's over."

I did not respond. They would have destroyed someone so pure and precious - and not because they wanted to, not because they were evil, but because we were at war.

"Shikako-chan," said Naruto. He shook me. "I still don't know the answer. I promised I'd find it, and I haven't yet. But I know it's not this."

My voice shook. "They would have sealed you away, ripped out the Kyuubi, and killed you."

"Heh, I can't die before I become Hokage!" he said.

I leaned against him, letting his solidity keep me grounded. Stupid boy kept getting taller. My head rested under his chin.

This war had to end. We had too many enemies, and we were too preoccupied fighting presumptive allies. Was an alliance with Rock and Cloud even possible at this point? From the way the blonde woman wept, the man I'd killed was someone precious to her. A husband? A brother? If it were Shikamaru who died, I would never forgive the killer. Never. I wasn't Naruto. I didn't have his capacity for goodness.

Maybe any hope for the alliance of the Five Nations was dead, but it was still the best hope we had against Madara.

Could I do it? Could I end the war I'd somehow sparked?

"Naruto," I said, breathing deeply, "may I borrow some chakra?"

In front of me, his hands began to glow. I funneled it through a transfusion jutsu and pulled it into myself. His chakra was life. It lightened me, gave me hope. I might fail, but I had to try. Damn the consequences.

I straightened. "Backup's on the way. Sasuke's with them. How do you feel?"

"I'm okay now," he said. "It was just those seals they were using and that freaky pot-thing."

I slapped knockout tags on our captives, all but Darui, whom I studied with a critical eye. What I was considering was borderline suicidal.

"Darui," I said. He didn't tense or appear afraid, just resigned, even when I stood over him and hauled him upright. "I need to borrow you. Please don't fight back; doing so only increases the risk that this will go wrong."

Now that surprised him.

"I'll be back," I told Naruto. We began to shift into shadow. Darui was alarmed now. No more so than Naruto.

"Wait! Shikako-chan!"

But I had already vanished.

… … …

It was the easiest thing in the world to track the Raikage's chakra. If Kakashi-sensei's resembled more the humming and buzzing of static electricity, Raikage's was a rip-roaring lightning bolt. Obvious as all hell. When I rose up from the shadow of his tent, I tried not to flinch. Standing so close to Cloud's leader was shocking - literally.

In an instant, five ninja surrounded me and the limp Darui, still alive I was grateful to discover. As a hostage, he worked wonders. They didn't attack, not with the Shadow Stitching spike poised to stab his neck.

"Naruto Uzumaki is a dear friend of mine," I told the Raikage, who looked on thunderously. "Furthermore, he is the best hope of saving the world from a terrible fate. Your bullheaded refusal to hear reason almost cost us our future."

"So now you want revenge," he said, eyeing the knife-like tendril at his lieutenant's neck. Did he think he was being subtle? His hand twitched, and the ninja surrounding me shifted.

"Who attacked the Kazekage? Was it Hidden Cloud?" I demanded.

He glowered, but we both knew the answer.

"Then who the fuck do you think it was?"

"There was no attack," he growled. "It was an elaborate ploy to sow doubt, but it didn't work."

"It was Akatsuki," I said. "Missing nin named Deidara and Sasori. Don't fool yourself into thinking Killer B is safe from harm."

"B-sensei can take down anyone!" a red-haired kunoichi screeched. Karui.

I ignored her, never taking my eyes off the Raikage. "You left Killer B in your village to defend it. The Guardian of Kumogakure. But can he save himself while protecting all of Hidden Cloud? That's how Akatsuki brought down the Kazekage. They attacked his village. He almost died defending it. Killer B is powerful, but Akatsuki is prepared."

I dropped Darui at my feet, withdrew my shadow, and looked Raikage in the eye. "Return to your village, end this war, and perhaps you can save your brother."

In an instant, Raikage shoved a fist that crackled with lightning through my incorporeal chest. Our faces came within three inches of each other as momentum drove him forward. Then I touched his forehead and vanished.

… … …

I was in a heap of trouble. The word "treason" got tossed around the central command tent enough that Kakashi-sensei had to kick the situation up the chain of command. Trembling with fatigue and no small amount of anxiety, I arrived at the Hokage's office in Konoha along with a few witnesses. Dad was there, looking grimmer and more worried than I'd ever seen. Shikamaru stood by his side, disbelieving.

"What possessed you!" Tsunade stormed. "Darui was the single most valuable prisoner of this entire war! He and his damnable black lightning have killed scores of our ninja! What were you thinking?"

"I was looking for a better way."

Naruto stiffened. He stood on the other side of the room, Hinata beside him. She had been in the group that helped bring in the prisoners. Her pale eyes were wide in distress.

"You took unilateral action and made a call that was not yours to make." Tsunade ground her teeth together. "What am I missing, Shikako? You returned Darui who will, by all accounts, succeed the Raikage in a few years time. You told him his jinchuriki was in danger, which we have been telling him for two years. He was never going to listen. I've never believed you were a fool," her voice grew grim, "so again I ask you - what am I missing?"

I would have told the whole story; such had been my intention. However, Danzo was here, too. I was very, very wary of what I said.

Then again -

Was it time?

My heart started pounding.

No, not now. I hadn't had time to think this through and consider all the ramifications.

Yes, I had. Not for this exact situation, but -

No. I was so tired.

Yes, now. There will never be a better chance. All the major players were here. This was what I had been waiting for.

No -

YES.

I took a breath. "I returned Darui in part because I wished to impress upon the Raikage that Konoha and Cloud had no need to be enemies any longer."

"And the other part?" she demanded.

Danzo was watching, listening, waiting.

So very tired.

I wasn't ready.

I had to be.

"When the Raikage attacked me," I said slowly, "I placed a Touch Blast on his forehead."

The change in the atmosphere was instantaneous, like a shock from Raikage's chakra zapping through us all.

"A powerful one," I added. "The kanji for 'blast' is written in its center. They cannot mistake the seal's intention." And though I didn't think he would be frantic with fear - I remembered how easily he cut off his own arm in canon when it became a liability - he was also in a real bind. He couldn't cut off his head. If he wasn't frantic, his subordinates would be.

"You can activate the Touch Blast remotely," Tsunade said.

"At any moment."

Tsunade breathed and ran through the implications, I was sure. Sasuke's expression was calculating and eager; oh yes, he knew what was really happening. Naruto appeared confused but not overly worried - too much faith in me; it would kill him one day.

"Hokage-sama," Danzo began in a considering tone, "the young Nara has acted with impudence but perhaps not unwisely. She exchanged a captive for one far more valuable."

He loved it. I could hear it in his stupid, stoic voice. What was not to love? The Raikage dead. His presumptive successor stained by the capture that led to his death. Rife with potential for infighting. Cloud weakened. Konoha victorious.

"We must send the Raikage the terms of his surrender," said Danzo.

This was such a gamble. Too much. Too big. I could not know exactly how Danzo would react. I could predict - I could be wrong.

"That would be unwise," I said. "For one, Raikage would rather die than become a pawn. Giving him time to respond to terms would only allow him to establish the succession."

"A fair point," Danzo agreed. Oh, and wasn't that just chilling? Danzo favoring my opinion?

"Furthermore, I have no intention of setting off the explosion. They might choose to call my bluff."

The sound of a pin dropping would have startled us all, so great was the silence, so profound the stillness.

"What." Tsunade's whisper was like a scourge to my raw nerves.

"I did it to show him that I could," I said, "and that I won't."

"Your intentions are immaterial," said Danzo, his voice flat. "As a kunoichi of Konoha, your duty is clear."

"This is an opportunity to make peace."

"This is an opportunity to demand unconditional surrender and secure Konoha's place as the supreme power in the realm."

"I won't do it," I told Danzo and looked at the Hokage. "Leaves are fragile things, but if we strengthen our roots by forging bonds with allies, no one can stand against us."

"The Raikage is no ally," said Danzo, no longer concealing his anger. He struck the floor with his cane. "He would glory in Konoha's fall."

"Akatsuki is our enemy. Cloud doesn't have to be."

"Tsunade, our path forward has never been more clear."

"Enough." Tsunade sighed heavily, a ragged sound. "You've given us a powerful bargaining chip, Shikako. Not to use it would weaken us in the eyes of the world. If Cloud refuses to surrender, the Raikage's death is still the most efficient method to win the war. In one move, we cripple them. Then we can turn our focus to the greater enemy. You will detonate the seal when I give the order."

 _When_ \- not _if_.

I couldn't respond.

"You would disobey my direct order?" she asked testily.

I tried to make my mouth work.

"Answer me, Nara!"

"I can't be sure it is your order I refuse." One more steadying breath. "Not when Konoha is poisoned at the root."

Naruto and Sasuke flashed to my side instantly. Four ANBU guards flickered to Tsunade, two to Danzo. Dad and Shikamaru I couldn't bear to look at.

"Stand down!" Tsunade ordered us, shocked. "What is this?"

"Baa-chan," said Naruto sadly.

"Hokage-sama," I said, "I would like your permission to arrest Danzo Shimura for conspiring with enemies of Konoha, none other than Orochimaru -"

"What madness has come over her?" Danzo said coldly.

"- and formerly, Hanzo of Hidden Rain, for the theft of bloodline limits, for frankly hundreds of attempts to subvert the will of the Hokage and Council, and at this very moment on suspicion of -"

"That is quite enough!"

"- suspicion of influencing the Hokage with a mind-altering genjutsu. Kotoamatsukami. The ultimate technique of Uchiha Shisui."

"Tsunade," said Danzo in a tone heavy with impatience that I was pretty sure was meant to cover his shock, "unless she has incontrovertible proof of any of these wild claims, my men will arrest her for treason and conspiracy against Konoha."

"Well?" said Tsunade, her voice grating and harsh.

Danzo's bodyguard leveled a sword at his neck.

"Sai," Danzo hissed in shock.

"As a member of Root since infancy," said Sai, "I can confirm many of Shikako's claims. Danzo ordered me to seek out Orochimaru as recently as the past month. He bears multiple Sharingan in his right arm."

Months ago, I had interfaced with the seal on Sai's tongue and wrote a formula to override it. When I'd uttered the code phrase, I'd activated it.

"As the last remaining Uchiha in Konoha," said Sasuke, his voice ringing with disgust, "I demand the return of my clan's doujutsu and the trial and imprisonment of the blood thief."

I cast a glance at Sasuke's pale face. He did not know everything. I had never been able to connect Danzo to the Uchiha Massacre. No surprise there. The only connection was Itachi. So, yeah. Next I looked at Naruto. His expression was grim but satisfied. I'd asked too much from both of them, demanded too much faith, but they'd given it freely. Naruto caught my gaze, and I felt some of his strength flow into me.

"These are serious accusations, as is the conspiracy to unseat a member of my Council," said Tsunade severely. "Ibiki will get to the bottom of this. I will tell you once more, stand down."

"Well?" I said to another kunoichi at the back of the room. All eyes turned to her. I couldn't breathe.

Hinata took a tentative step forward, Byakugan activated. "I can confirm that he bears a Sharingan in his right eye socket. The patterns of its chakra suggest genjutsu. Furthermore, it resembles the descriptions of the Mangekyo possessed by Shisui of the Body Flicker."

Sai's testimony was a huge help, but he was virtually unknown, had no backing, and would have been all too easy for Danzo to dispose of had things gone south. I'd needed a smoking gun. I'd needed Danzo to care enough about something so that we could catch him in the act of bending minds to his will. He'd been suspicious of me and my team.

He never saw Hinata coming.

Danzo had stilled, but it was the stillness of frantic thinking, inevitably followed by decisive action.

"Shadow Paralysis complete," I said, but it wasn't only my voice. Both Dad and Shikamaru's hands formed the rat seal. Triple paralysis felt...very weird.

"I have plenty more circumstantial evidence," I said to nobody in particular.

Tsunade had her hand pressed to her forehead. Kotoamatsuki was very subtle. Danzo would have planted thoughts and images to make her own decisions appear reasonable, but she also had years of belief and trust in me and my comrades and suspicion of Danzo.

"Shikaku," she said and waved a hand to indicate the situation.

Dad took command.

As Danzo was being arrested by ANBU, Sai added, "Danzo ordered the kidnapping of Shikako from the hospital more than a year ago. I believe he intended to break into her mind. If she did not pledge loyalty to Root and accept the seal of silence, she would have been executed."

Dad took command with a vengeance.

… … …

I was...not considered a traitor exactly, but the simple truth was that I'd recruited numerous ninja of my generation in a conspiracy to take down one of the Elders. This was not something to take lightly. Neither was the decision to release Darui. I underwent several debriefings that edged into interrogations at various points. Ibiki was very thorough, but I'd had years to work on my story, which had the added benefit of being true, if incomplete.

Naruto and Sasuke stayed by my side every minute I wasn't ensconced with Ibiki or other members of T&I. There was potential for retribution from members of Root. I treasured our time together, knowing it would not last. Soon, Naruto was sent back to our former contingent. Sasuke and I returned to ANBU. Tsunade apparently thought it best for Shikako Nara to disappear until the uproar died down. So I became Bat again. No complaints from me.

… … …

When Orochimaru came for Sasuke, the newly reformed Red Team was returning from the Land of Lightning. Wondering how he found us, with Danzo out of commission, would have been truly nerve-racking had I not been rather preoccupied in a fight for my life.

Sasuke was writhing on the ground as the cursed seal broke free of Jiraiya's containment. Defending him while fending off Orochimaru's goons and the snake himself was quite taxing.

I bit my thumb. "Summoning jutsu!" Heijomaru charged a massive snake while Gemmei dropped down so that Sasuke could haul himself on her back.

Kabuto took down Towa, and I could feel the tell-tale creep of despair through my veins. But suddenly, a powerful spike of chakra appeared in the trees. I recognized it, recognized the target of that rip-roaring chakra. Orochimaru certainly didn't freeze in surprise - he was far too skilled a ninja - but in the split second that he took to evaluate and respond, I caught him in Shadow Paralysis. Snarling, he broke free easily, but the extra second cost him.

Even his serpentine body could not twist enough to mitigate the damage of an electrified fist shoved into his abdomen with all the force of a 700-ton bullet train. The Raikage crushed him to a pulp at the bottom of the crater formed by the blow. Before the dust could even rise, Komachi and I flashed through hand signs. Getting Sasuke and Towa back to Konoha was the priority. In the blink of an eye, the three of them were off, and I was left to delay the enemy. If they were still enemies.

I hoped -

 _I hoped._

Darui and Omoi took on Kabuto. Juugo was on a rampage. I cut him off from natural energy with a handy seal when no Cloud ninja followed my team. Then I stuck the thing that was once Orochimaru into a body scroll, just to make sure he was dead - as dead as could be, at least. Still had to work out how to remove those blasted cursed seals. At Darui's feet, Kabuto's corpse smoked. Score. Juugo blinked in my direction, no longer manic with rage.

Then I flashed into the nearest trees. In a heartbeat, Cloud ninja surrounded me.

"Shikako Nara," said a shinobi whose name I thought was C. Yeah, C. Even I could do better than that.

I hesitated. This was sooo against protocol. Then I took off my mask. "Thanks for the assist, guys," I said drolly, as I primed the Gelel stone. "Unusually altruistic for Hidden Cloud. How'd you find me?"

"Followed the booms," muttered Darui.

"Eh, you didn't need that mountain pass, did you?" I asked glibly.

Raikage appeared on a nearby tree so that he was looking down at me. He wore a forehead protector to cover the seal. "My men have a standing order to track and detain you."

"All this attention...you do know how to flatter a girl."

After that, we simply stopped talking and studied one another, waiting for someone to get to the point.

"They came for our jinchuriki," he growled, clearly abhorring the admission. "We arrived in time to defeat them."

"I'm glad."

"The timing of your warning was too perfect for coincidence." The accusation was blatant.

"We've been warning you for years," I snapped because that was _it_ , "and you didn't retreat from the battlefield because you heeded my words and the very dictates of common sense. You were trying to get far enough away from me that I couldn't set off the Touch Blast while whatever excuse you have for a sealmaster worked out a way to cancel it without blowing off your head and taking half your forces with you."

I breathed heavily.

He snorted at the end of my rant. "This is the best negotiator Tsunade has to offer? Mouthy, impulsive, reckless. If all shinobi of Leaf are so undisciplined -"

"You're one to talk, you old crank." I glared. If all he was going to do was insult me and people I cared about, I was so out of here. Adding to that, Tsunade hadn't exactly sent me, so… "At least I don't burst through walls of my office like an overgrown child."

The tension spiked. That was a very specific piece of information I probably should not be privy to; though, considering his reputation, I didn't think they should find it so surprising.

He pulled off his forehead protector. "You put this blighted thing on me. Why?"

"To show you that you had already lost."

He harrumphed. "What do you want?"

"Peace. An alliance. I want Killer B to teach Naruto to control the Kyuubi's chakra."

"That's all?" he asked drolly. I almost didn't recognize the comment for what it was - sarcasm. Who knew the prickly bastard had a sense of humor?

"It's mutually beneficial," I said.

He jabbed his thumb at the Touch Blast. "You offer peace at the end of a sword."

I shrugged. "Didn't think you'd accept it any other way."

"You didn't detonate it. Why?"

"Because I need your help to save Naruto."

That was the simple truth. I could expound upon the matter, talk about the threat to the world as we knew it; however, my motivation, what I most desired, was Naruto's wellbeing. Everything else spiraled from that central point.

He studied me, drawing his brows together. "Take the damned thing off me and I might believe you."

We stared at one another for a long time. Then very, very slowly I edged towards him until I stood well within his strike range. Hell, who was I kidding? With his speed, the whole sector of the forest was his strike range. He could destroy me if he was fast enough to beat my transformation. In truth, I didn't need to be closer to him. It was a show of trust.

Rather than reach out a hand and erase the seal or whatever they thought I'd do, I very clearly said, "Explode."

The Raikage's twitchy entourage flipped out, but all that happened was a little puff of smoke rose from their leader's forehead. Apart from age spots and wrinkles, his skin was unblemished.

Stupefied, the Raikage blinked.

"It was a dud," I explained.

He blinked again. Then he started laughing.

… … …

True peace would not come quickly or easily, but a ceasefire was agreed upon within the week. The two Elders wanted me left out of negotiations due to "an emerging pattern of insubordination." However, the Raikage responded well to my particular brand of insubordinate snark, and since he was under the impression that my actions were undertaken on the Hokage's orders, it served us better to have me in the room. Mostly, I stood with Naruto as Tsunade's guard and tried not to roll my eyes when the posturing ensued. They couldn't wrangle out an alliance. All in all, though, I was relieved. Exhausted but so, so relieved. We didn't have to fight anymore, and when Madara/Tobi/Obito showed on the scene, he'd present a great enough threat to force the alliance.

Life should be good now, back on track, yet I'd become a ninja with potential for rogue behavior. I was no longer implicitly trusted. I wasn't Jiraiya, wasn't Kakashi, wasn't my dad, wasn't a ninja whose years of service and unquestionable loyalty put them beyond reproach. I was a fifteen-and-a-half-year old girl, and I'd demonstrated that I was willing to stretch the bounds of obedience to the point of breaking.

Then the other shoe dropped. Inoichi finally uncovered a certain conversation with Itachi Uchiha in Danzo's mind.

"Did you know?" Sasuke asked me some time later.

"I never had proof," I said quietly. "I'm so sorry."

Sasuke left Konoha. He wasn't a missing nin. He just needed to be away from the place that had destroyed his family and the people who hadn't seen it coming. Tsunade had given him a team and an extended, possibly life-threatening mission: to find and capture Itachi Uchiha. I had the feeling the elder Uchiha would simply surrender when he learned that Danzo had fallen and Sasuke had no intention of destroying Konoha, but I couldn't be sure. He might be dead-set on dying at Sasuke's hands.

Naruto and I should be going with him. He'd be safe with Kiba, Kakashi, Tenzo, and Kurenai, but it should be his team, those who knew him best, who cared most about him, who should be by his side. I'd never despised myself more.

Naruto saw them off at the gate. I moped around our training field and wished we were all twelve again, taking missions together that all went horribly wrong.

"He already forgives you," said Naruto, after he found me hanging upside down from a tree branch. "There's nothing to forgive really. He said that. He knows you were trying to protect him and didn't have evidence to convict that bastard."

The issue was that I hadn't trusted him, but maybe not in the way he thought. In truth, I didn't trust him enough not to hate me.

To make matters worse, I'd knocked other holes into my once solid support system. Ino and some of the other girls reformed our study group. I made excuses to skip the first meeting. I didn't think Ino would let me get away with that many more times, but then again…our relationship wasn't peachy-keen either. When the Danzo situation came to light, I'd refused to let Inoichi mind-walk me. They'd given me the choice. Mind-walking would have been quicker and arguably easier, not to mention the option that would yield the more trustworthy intel, but I'd refused, which begged the question: If I had nothing to hide, why not go through with it? I think Ino didn't understand why I was so against the idea of having her dad in my head. Did I not trust him? Did I not trust her?

As for my family, they knew I kept secrets. They loved me, no doubt about it, but I had never been completely honest with them. Now that they had an inkling of that, our once easy interactions held a hint of strain. To feel Shikamaru's assessing gaze on my back, to sense Dad's quiet sorrow and Mum's worry, and now to lose Sasuke's trust, to lose his reassuring presence by my side while Konoha erected new memorial stones filled with so many names - well, I wasn't handling it well.

 _Everything I touch turns to ash._

"Come on," said Naruto, tugging me from my perch. "Ramen makes everything better."

Sensing my need for closeness, he tucked me under his arm and kept up a steady stream of chatter as we ambled along. He'd stirred up some mischief with Kiba and Shino, and poor Chouji had gotten dragged into it, too. I wanted to be myself again and laugh at his story, but thinking of Kiba brought to mind a recent conversation in which he'd reprimanded me for meddling. Hinata had caught onto what I was doing: talking her up to Naruto, suggesting outings and so on. It distressed her, apparently, as did Naruto's complete obliviousness to my attempts to set them up. Hinata was far too sweet a soul to tell me to back off, but Kiba had no such compunction. The last thing I wanted was to hurt Hinata, so of course, my actions had that very effect.

"And yeah, Baa-chan was pissed, but she'd have been laughing if it had happened to anyone else, and -"

I let his words fade into the background, felt his arm resting over my shoulders, recognized the inclination to relax against him - and feared it, because only Naruto could stand by my side without a second thought.

Only Naruto could look at me with total trust.

Only Naruto could greet me with a smile so full of happiness that I was warmed from the inside out.

Only Naruto -

Of the ones who most mattered, only he was left to damage. I'd almost achieved that, too, when Darui and his comrades tried to kill him. If his feelings - despite all logic and reason - further deepened, I'd ruin his future with Hinata.

I threw off his arm. Rather forcefully.

"Shikako-chan?" he said, voice sharp with surprise.

"You can't like me anymore," I said in a voice I didn't recognize.

He blinked slowly. "I thought we decided there was nothing to do about -"

"That doesn't matter. You have to stop."

He rubbed the back of his neck. His eyes flickered as he tried to figure out what was going on.

"Your feelings are misplaced," I tried to explain more calmly. "You deserve someone who can think of you first and last. I'll only bring you pain."

"Well, that's just...flat-out wrong."

I snorted. "You think that now, like how everyone thought I was such a nice person, always willing to help when I really needed to use them for one reason or another. Who haven't I lied to? I've lied to you most of all."

"O-kay," he said slowly. His brows had drawn together in concern.

"I tried to fix things, and look how I ruined them. Just watch - I'll ruin you too."

"Er, Shikako-chan," he began.

"Shikamaru, Ino, the countless dead in the Land of Hot Springs, and every single person who died in the war I started."

"What?" He was well and truly baffled now, also alarmed. "You ended the war. You got the Raikage to listen."

"Ending it doesn't cancel out the lives lost. They weren't supposed to die." Too much, too many. Was I really saying this now, to Naruto? It didn't matter. It was all too much, _too much_ , _toomuchtoomuch_ -

"I have to disappear," I muttered, jumping wildly from one thought to the next. Konoha had given me what it could in terms of training, and it was enough to take on Akatsuki if I was smart. Without having to explain and justify my actions, I could act freely. Finally, with Danzo gone, I could leave Konoha without the guilt of things left undone.

"What! You aren't disappearing anywhere." His voice would have been firm if he weren't so worried. He reached out a hand. I recoiled. I'd never responded well to overbearing orders. It was my choice.

 _Arrogant, illogical_ argued another part of my brain. You're strongest with your team. I already saw the foolishness of the plan. The jump from problem to solution had left out common sense, but that didn't change the fact that there was a problem. I kept reaching for the black spot in a corner of my mind, not to fall into it or drown in it, but to stabilize myself. It wasn't working.

Naruto's hand closed around my wrist. His grip was firm, his eyes determined. I wouldn't so easily shake him off this time.

"You're coming to my place," he decided, "and I'm making you tea or ramen or something, and you don't have to tell me anything, but I'm gonna ask, and I'm probably gonna ask a second and third time, and then if I have to, I'm gonna grab Ino or Shikamaru."

My mind was a sea of scattered thoughts. Naruto tugged me forward, and I was in no state to object. Right now, I trusted him more than I trusted myself, so I allowed him to lead me through Konoha up to his apartment. He deposited me into a chair. I accepted the tea he handed me without protesting.

He sat on the couch, caddy corner to me, and leaned forward. "Wanna start with how you think you messed up Shikamaru and Ino?"

Easy. "Shikamaru wasn't supposed to lose an arm, and Ino should never have gotten a piece of Orochimaru stuck in her head. That was never part of the story." I saw Naruto tick his worry level up another notch.

"What story?"

"Yours, mostly. You were the hero of it. I wasn't supposed to be a part of it at all."

I wasn't making sense. But I wasn't able to. I hadn't mapped out the best way to reveal the aberration that was my life here. I didn't even want to reveal it now. I just - couldn't stop myself.

"Do you believe in reincarnation?"

His big blue eyes grew progressively wider as I recounted the first few months of my life, born into a whole new world.

 _A new fantastic point of view / No one to tell us no or where to go..._

"But I'd heard of Konoha. I'd read about it in a manga. I knew who you were before I even met you. I knew about the Kyuubi, too."

His expression showed no disbelief, no disgust, no uneasiness. Nothing but amazement.

At times, it felt like I was an unwilling participant in a dream, the way the words came from my mouth - dragged out by some force I could only identify as desperation. At other points, my recounting was eager. Years of restraint straining against the dam of silence, now spilling over. I didn't have an end goal here, didn't know how long I would or should keep talking, only pausing for Naruto's interjections.

"Haku died?" he asked sadly.

And later, he jumped to his feet.

"Sasuke was gonna run off to Orochimaru? That bastard! I'll demolish 'im!"

I hardly had the energy to remind him it wasn't our Sasuke who defected.

There was a clock on the wall, but I couldn't put forth the minimal focus to read the hands. Time was only measured by the cups of tea Naruto kept pouring. I kept draining them to ward off hoarseness. At some point, we ended up on the floor, leaning against the couch. I'd stuttered to a halt. Resting my head on the couch cushions, I let my mind drift for a while. I'd recounted up to the time skip, no further.

When he spoke again, Naruto was oddly shy. "Will you tell me about the world you came from?"

Breathing, I began, but I didn't get far before -

"No chakra?!" he yelped. "Then how do you use jutsu?"

It was unreal to hear him use words like "airplane" and "Japan." For a single, distorted moment, it was as though I was my other self again, talking to Naruto Uzumaki, hero of his own manga, not the boy I'd grown up with, not my teammate, but I shook off the feeling.

My family - my other family - I told him their names. Told him my own. He tried to pronounce it. I smiled. And cried.

"Oh," he said in dawning realization. "You...lost them all. You must have been so lonely."

I blinked. His eyes had gotten misty, too. I hadn't intended to share the pain with him, only the truth. But it seemed I couldn't do one without the other, and the pain and sorrow were welling up faster than I cared to admit.

We shifted to the couch, and I drew the story back to Konoha, back to the war.

"You see now, don't you? I've changed things and not necessarily for the better."

"Sasuke stayed. That's better, way better. He stayed because of you."

"I knew about the Uchiha Massacre before it happened. I did nothing to stop it. To even try."

He mouthed an "oh." I nodded.

"I've always wondered what would have happened if I said something, given warning. I didn't because I was scared."

"You were, like, seven."

"Going on thirty," I countered.

"No one else would have seen it that way. You did what you could. You made the best decision out of a whole lot of bad options. And you took down Danzo in the end."

"I befriended Sasuke knowing the whole, terrible truth, and I never once tried to tell him how much Itachi loved him."

"You stayed by his side and tried to make things better in the only way you could. And you did. Sasuke's not a missing nin. Hate and vengeance will never take him over."

I made a half-hearted gesture. I was having trouble speaking again. My throat was thick with grief and guilt. Naruto insisted the war with Cloud was not my fault, that a bunch of old curmudgeons made it happen, that if I'd had anything to do with it, it was because I'd made Konoha strong, strong enough that Cloud felt threatened.

"I mean, look at how much you helped me," exclaimed Naruto.

"In the manga, it was Kakashi-sensei who had the idea to combine shape manipulation and your elemental affinity. You like to give me credit, but I only stole the idea from him."

For whatever reason, that was the first thing that really gave him a pause. Now, I thought, now it finally sets in. Now he understands. Now he'll see my duplicity, my betrayal. Viciously satisfied, I pushed the knife in deeper. "I know other things - things about you. Things you would want to know. Do you get it now?"

He ran a hand through his spiky hair. "I'm starting to see. The big things - Team Seven, Haku and Zabuza, Sasuke being a complete and total bastard - those weren't the only things you had to worry about. There was smaller stuff. Things that came up every day, I bet. You're always having to measure your actions and make sure it matches up with what you could possibly know because if anyone ever thought you knew too much, if anyone grew suspicious of you, your whole life would change." He breathed; I just stared. "You've got information that you're desperate to use to save us all but you can't because you think we could...turn against you, feel betrayed, maybe we wouldn't trust you anymore, something like that - and that's what you're afraid of."

Years of suppressing emotions, years of Splitting away the fear, the anxiety, the guilt - it was all rushing back to me. I started rocking back and forth. It was a minor miracle I wasn't a sobbing blob on his floor, but I wasn't far from that. Naruto's hand on mine drew me back. He interlaced our fingers and raised our joined hands between us.

"There's stuff you haven't told me, but there's a reason you haven't, right?"

Mutely, I nodded.

"Then don't tell me. Do what you think is right. I trust you."

"It's not that simple," I choked out.

"Why not?" He shot me a cheeky grin. "It's my manga, right? I want you here, so that should be enough."

I freed my hand. His simple acceptance of what gave me so much anguish made me lash out.

"Don't be a fool - I've been manipulating you for your entire life! You and Sasuke. And Kakashi and Ino and Sakura. I stole Sakura's place on Team Seven. I took it. Because I could. Because I knew what was coming, and I knew the best way to face it was head on. And long before that, when we met at the Academy, I saw how the adults treated you, and I knew why. I saw you there - this rough, loud, dirty boy, and I knew how amazing you would be. I knew what you could become. That's why I befriended you. Do you get it? It wasn't goodness on my part or natural inclination to like you; it was a deliberate choice. I knew - not everything but so much."

He was mulling it over. Surely he would become disturbed. He was an idiot with a selective memory, but even he had to see what was so clear to me.

"I remember that day, too," said Naruto. "I remember seeing all the parents drop off their kids, and I remember feeling this - twisted lump of loneliness and anger and sadness lodged into my stomach." He fisted his hand in his jacket. "And I remember the other kids playing ninja and how they wouldn't let me. I thought I was probably the most miserable thing in the world. Then I saw you. You looked at me and started walking over with your lazy ass brother. I couldn't believe it, but then you guys were asking me to play and..." He trailed off, a wondering smile on his face. "At the time, that was probably the best day of my life. The next day was even better because you let me sit with you, then the next was better than that. And I guess there were still a few bad days here and there but nothing like I'd known from before."

The silence was heavy.

"You say 'manipulate,' and that's a tricky word," said Naruto. "The way I see it, you've been looking out for us for our entire lives."

I was speechless.

"You say being my friend was a choice and not your own goodness, and that doesn't even make sense to me. How can you be good if you don't make the choice to be? And why not wait until we joined Team Seven to be friends with me? I'm guessing it's 'cause you saw a lonely kid you wanted to help, not because you wanted to do - whatever you think you did."

He was so good. His capacity to forgive, the light and warmth he radiated when I was all grays and blacks.

"Do you really think Shikamaru would trade you for getting his arm back? And yeah, Ino's link with Orochimaru sucks, but there's no way she'd give you up either. As for me, I don't want to think of a world where you don't exist."

I shivered. He bundled me up in a blanket - a bright, screaming orange blanket - and pulled me into his lap. There was nothing sexual about the embrace. He intended only to comfort. I was swaddled like a child and was simply too drained at that point to protest or even feel surprised.

"I want to know that you won't disappear, Shikako-chan. You belong here. That's what I'm telling you. Not one of us would ever wish you weren't here."

My eyelids had grown heavy. "But there's so much more. Your futures. All these things that should happen, but I'm making things change."

"Doesn't matter," he replied. "I just wish…"

His hesitation, so uncharacteristic pulled me back to wakefulness because I'd heard something in his voice - a note of strain or anxiety. So I forced my eyes open and saw the bleak expression on his face.

"Naruto?"

"Uh, um." He rubbed a hand over his face.

"I'm not going to disappear. I lose. You win."

His grin wasn't quite as bright as I wanted it to be. "It wasn't a competition, Shikako-chan, but yeah, I'm awesome like that."

"You are," I agreed.

Then his smile wobbled. His face fell, even as his arms tightened around me.

"You really think so?" he asked softly. "Cause from where I'm sitting, all I can see...is how much I didn't see."

"What?"

"You were my first precious person, and I always swore to myself that I'd watch out for you. I messed up a few times, but you always won in the end." His voice grew scratchy and hoarse. "But...all along, you were suffering, and _I didn't notice_."

His knuckles were white.

No.

That was despair on his face. And love. Despair brought on by love. That wasn't supposed to happen.

Without another thought, I leaned forward and kissed him.

He sucked in a breath and withdrew just a little in surprise. I followed him. This, this I could do for him. Naruto must never despair. This was something in my power alone. In the work of a moment, I'd risen and twisted so that the blanket fell back. My legs settled on either side of his. I pressed him into the cushions, my lips on his.

His arms tightened reflexively. His chakra flared. My own stirred, revitalizing me.

I kept expecting his hands to move, the kiss to deepen, our bodies to shift, something. However this was supposed to go, it would happen. This, the one thing I could do for him, I would do gladly, but he...wasn't responding. Not pushing me away, not rejecting me, but not responding either. Finally, I pulled back, my arms caging his head, and studied him. Flushed skin, wide eyes, tense shoulders, a look that somehow combined longing and sadness.

I closed my eyes.

It took a couple of tries before his voice worked. "I'm not a hundred percent sure why that happened, but I don't think it's because your feelings suddenly changed." There was a hint of a question there, but I didn't know how to answer it. "Best guess, you're feeling really vulnerable? I'm not positive how that translates to - kissing me and, you know, the rest of it," his voice grew high-pitched on that bit, "but I'm not gonna, erm, take advantage of you or anything."

I slumped and dropped my head to his shoulder. Sabotage specialist indeed. How much damage could his heart take before I destroyed it?

"Sorry," I murmured. Why had that seemed like a good idea? Why had that seemed like the best thing, the only thing to do? So completely had I bypassed reason, it was almost as though I'd wanted -

"Erm, Shikako-chan, even though I said all that and intend to stick to it, can you, um, get off me? It makes things easier." I was already rolling off the moment I'd caught his meaning.

"Sorry," I repeated.

"Eh," he said with forced cheer, "it's fair game. I stole your first kiss. You stole my second and then some."

With a mighty groan, I lay on the floor, stretched out, and convinced my heart to calm. After a few minutes, I managed to say, "Your third."

"Huh?"

"Your third kiss. Don't forget about -"

" _That never happened_."

"In a way, you kissed Sasuke twice. Once in the manga. Once in -"

"Shikako-chan," he whined.

I chortled and cast a quick glance at Naruto, who was fighting back a smile.

We rested, still and quiet, until an urgent knock sounded on his door. I started when I recognized Shikamaru's chakra. He'd never in our lives been so close to me without my awareness of his presence.

"Ah hell," I mumbled, glancing at the clock. A dull sense of unease crept over me. Crap, I was supposed to pick up Kino-chan from his friend's house hours ago. It was now way past midnight.

Naruto opened the door. His voice shook a little when he said, "Hey, what's up?"

Straight away, Shikamaru said, "Have you seen Shikako? She's not on a mission, and I -"

I shifted into his field of vision.

"Shikako?"

"Sorry," I said. "I completely lost track of time. Was Kino-chan okay?"

His eyes narrowed as he looked between us and took in every inch of my tired, drained countenance. "What happened?" he said flatly.

I had no clue how to respond in a way that would satisfy him, and if he wasn't satisfied, he would prod and pry until either I snapped at him or until he drew his own conclusions. Either option was bad.

Naruto came to my rescue. "Ah well, she was just breaking my heart again and getting a good cry out of it." He shook his head in faux exasperation. Shikamaru couldn't say much to that.

I rose to my feet. "Mind waiting for me? I want to -" I motioned to Naruto. Shikamaru nodded quickly and left me and Naruto alone again.

"There's one thing I can tell you," I said slowly. "It should be fine. I mean, I've used plenty of poor judgement these past few weeks, but this - only good can come from this. From them. " I met his curious gaze. "Your parents, they aren't alive, but - you'll get to talk to them. Both of them." I gave him a wobbly smile. "They're pretty awesome, and they love you more than anything."

His look of utter astonishment began to morph into something beautiful, powerful - eagerness and longing and the desperate hope of a child. Wanting to be near such wonder was the most natural thing in the world. I lay my hand against his chest, and he quickly covered it with his own.

"My parents, hm?"

Telling him was the right choice. Finally, I'd made the right one. The joy it gave him was worth it.

His expression changed again, became searching. Beneath my palm I felt the thumping of his heart, and I didn't move for a long minute, until finally, "Shikamaru's waiting."

Before I left, I hugged Naruto tightly and kissed his cheek.

… … …

In Hidden Rain, I cursed every drop of water into oblivion. Or tried to. Even indoors, the humidity dampened my clothes and made me sweat. The constant wetness was bad enough, but the effing rain muted my chakra sensing, making me feel exposed. It was like being blind, naked, and sopping wet all the goshdarn time. I wouldn't be able to sense Pain or Konan unless they were practically on my doorstep. As, in fact, someone was.

When I recognized the chakra, I went still with horror.

Absolute horror.

Throwing open the door, I grabbed Naruto's jacket and hauled him inside. Sasuke, Sakura, and Kiba followed, wearing disapproving expressions, and while a part of me melted with relief upon seeing Sasuke alive, healthy, and able to look at me without cringing, I was fire-spitting mad. Okay, sure, I'd undersold the risk to Naruto and Ino when I said I'd be away for at least three months on an undercover mission as an actress and consultant for the movie Tales of a Gutsy Ninja, but that did not give them the right to barge in and blow my cover!

Of all people, Naruto knew. He _knew_ , and he still -

I slapped my hands on either side of Naruto's face and shook his head around. "What are you doing here? You, _here_!"

"Keeping you alive," he said shortly, in a rare temper. "Itachi told us about Pain. You withheld that intel from Baa-chan, and you just went off without -"

"I don't believe _for a second_ she authorized you to come after me." I dug blunt nails into his cheeks. "If you weren't such an idiot," I hissed.

He plucked my hands off and held me by the wrists. He didn't move an inch away from my angry face though.

"If you'd just accept help sometimes," he hissed back.

We glared at each other. There was so much we couldn't say with the others here.

So I settled for, "No doubt Pain's on his way since you just _wrecked the undercover nature of this mission_."

"Then we'd better hurry and make a plan," he said.

In the ensuing scramble, Sakura somehow found a moment to pull me aside. She almost screeched, "Are you and Naruto dating?"

I stared because how on earth had she come to that conclusion? "No."

Sakura snorted.

… … …

Naruto, Sasuke, and I took down Nagato - without the massive loss of life and destruction of Konoha. But people of his own country did die, and Nagato forfeited his life to bring back theirs after an impassioned speech from Naruto. The Director was thrilled with the footage.

Off camera, I took possession of Nagato's eyeballs, stabbed the Rinnegan with a kunai, then sealed the remains in a storage scroll and slashed a fault in the seal's matrix.

It did what defunct seals do. It exploded.

 _Fuck you, Madara._

… … …

There was a saying from Before. I don't remember the exact wording, but it went something like, "Corner a dog, and it will bite."

Akatsuki - what was left of it - chomped down.

I was strolling through Konoha with several of the Rookies, perfectly at ease in the knowledge that the whole of the Five Nations along with Iron Country had banded together to combat the imminent threat of Madara Uchiha. We had almost reached the time of the final war. Maybe, just maybe, we could have true peace in its aftermath.

When the attack came, there was no warning, nothing I could sense because there was nothing there. Not until a black chakra receiver shot out of a spiraling space-time hole in the air and stabbed me straight through my Hara. Foreign chakra flooded my coils, immobilizing me. I went limp before Naruto finished shouting my name, before Sasuke finished spinning around in alarm, before Shikamaru's Shadow Hand could reach through the portal and grab me back.

Before I vanished.

… … …

The one calling himself Uchiha Madara wished to know a number of things, but they all revolved around one central question: Why, when his every plan went to hell, did the trail of disasters point back to me?

When I awoke, I was already under the influence of his genjutsu, no direct eye contact required. Lovely. The genjutsu didn't make me babble uncontrollably. I answered his questions. Nothing more, nothing less. If he didn't ask the right ones, my deepest, darkest secrets were safe - like the fact that I knew his true identity. I thought of him as Tobi, called him Madara, knew that he was Obito.

Life under genjutsu was...strange. The state was not unlike falling into the black in that I was unmotivated to do anything. Emotions were tricky things to grasp. It occurred to me that my family and friends would be out of their minds with worry. I simply...didn't care. I was dull and biddable.

Most of the time.

Brief flashes of _otherness_ or _wrongness_ sometimes gripped me, and I subconsciously tried to move away from the unnatural feeling. I began to Split myself, a little at a time. My Shadow Self held very little of my soul and spiritual energy, but it gave me some measure of consciousness outside the genjutsu, enough to comprehend the deep shit I was in.

I wondered if I should strangle myself. Wait for Tobi to leave, wrap my corporeal shadow around my neck like a Neck-bind jutsu, and commit the weirdest suicide in history. A very bitter war raged in my Shadow Self over that question, but in the end, I decided potential for sabotage was more important than the meager intel Tobi was getting from me. It was Zetsu that had to die. If he didn't, he would continue manipulating the ninja world until he achieved his purpose.

Tobi finally seemed to accept that the Rinnegan were gone and none of my exceptional sealing abilities could manipulate time and reverse their destruction. Orochimaru and Kabuto were dead, too, their bodies destroyed by fire. The cursed seal was gone, courtesy of my innovation. Everything I told Tobi made him very angry. So angry, I thought he would kill me.

Unfortunately, he didn't.

"You are celebrated as a genius," he said one day.

I did not respond. It was not a question or a command.

"If you had the goal of reviving a certain man from the dead, how would you go about doing it?"

 **Oh god** , my Shadow Self thought.

"Of the three methods known to me, Edo Tensei is the most tenable."

"Three methods?" he asked in surprised.

"Edo Tensei, Rinne Tensei, and the life-transferral technique developed by Chiyo, one of the Honored Siblings of Sand."

"The third method grants true life?"

"Yes."

He grew very agitated and had me tell him everything I knew about the technique.

"It requires her willing participation?"

"Yes."

"And costs her life?"

"Yes."

He ran his fingers through his hair, such a human reaction. "How do you know this?"

 **Oh god**. I flung part of my Shadow Self back into my body, disrupting the genjutsu long enough to respond, "Gaara of the Desert told me."

As it always did, the genjutsu soon enveloped every part of me but for what little remained in the shadow. I had saved myself four times this way, but each time, I lost more of my true self to the genjutsu. Now, I was a shadow of a shadow, able only to hear and understand. If only he would leave for a few days, I could Split enough to overcome the genjutsu. I'd laid my hopes on that eventuality. I could lay a trap for him and Zetsu. I could -

"Threatening the destruction of her village might persuade her," he mused. "Why is Edo Tensei the most tenable? Orochimaru is dead."

"I am familiar with the theory of the jutsu and in possession of a copy of Orochimaru's notes."

He stared at me. "And where are these notes?" he asked slowly.

"Sealed into my arm."

He wanted to see them. "They are encrypted. Show me the key."

There was not a single key to unlocking it. There were three layers of encryption, and beneath that, the notes were written in an entirely different language.

"If you wished to capture the remaining jinchuriki, how would you do it?"

I told him.

"If you wished to bring about the destruction of the five great nations, how would you do it?"

I told him.

Tobi placed a hand on my shoulder. "You will unlock the secrets of Edo Tensei. You will live for this aim. However long it takes, you will succeed."

"Of course, Madara-sama."

As he walked away, there was a spring in his step.

… … …

Day and night, night and day, I studied the notes I'd copied on Edo Tensei. Tobi's focus on me drifted, and at times he left me solely in Zetsu's care. Kisame turned up alive with a young man slung over his shoulder, presumably a jinchuriki. While those three were busy getting the Gedo Statue to suck up the Tailed Beast, they...chatted and gossiped. Really.

My Shadow Self listened in, and at a certain point, my attention became laser-focused.

"The boy is still active," said Zetsu. "So many clones, sustained for weeks on end."

"You could match the number and duration," said Tobi dismissively.

"Only with time and preparation," he rasped. "We can't stay here much longer. The entire continent is crawling with his clones."

"Shall I capture him next?" suggested Kisame. "Samehada is eager to taste Kyuubi's chakra."

"Its jinchuriki has grown too powerful to take on your own, Kisame. I have a plan to capture the remaining three."

In that moment, I experienced my most lucid moment yet. Such clarity. I looked at the notes on Edo Tensei, and I saw. Quickly, I scribbled down ideas and struck through others.

"Clones incoming," Zetsu reported.

"Kisame, stall them."

I heard and understood but could not move. Naruto practically stood on my doorstep, but I could not crack open the door, couldn't even touch the knob.

After Kisame left, Tobi asked Zetsu, "What news of my young kinsman?"

"Her loss was sufficient to activate the Mangekyo," he rasped, "and he has implanted his brother's eyes."

"He has such incredible potential," Tobi mused.

Zetsu was dubious. "Do you believe his Eternal Mangekyo could progress?"

"With Hashirama's cells, time, and the proper motivation. Perhaps."

Zetsu finally rasped, "Then perhaps you have not utterly failed him."

Any action that directly opposed Tobi was denied to me. But my friends were searching for me - or believed I was dead and were searching instead for the ones who killed me. They were still fighting. I could not give up either. I had to act before the darkness came over me again.

"Madara-sama," I said. "I know the secrets of Edo Tensei."

He stared at me, studied me. "What do you need to perform the jutsu?"

"The corpse of the one you wish to revive and a clone of Zetsu."

… … …

They stuck me in one of their damned cloaks. They jabbed miniature chakra receivers into my hands, my feet, my nose, and my ears. It was not a good look for me. Ino would slaughter them.

He altered the genjutsu. I had new memories. Planted memories. Cruel memories. They were downright frightening, these images of a very different Konoha, a very different family. Along with them came new emotions: hurt, shame, fear, blood-curdling rage.

"Who is your most precious person?" he asked me.

 **No.**

"Still fighting it," he grunted. "It is futile. Admirable, but futile. Who is your most precious person?"

I told him.

… … …

From that day onward, I was always lucid, but I was not "me." I tagged along as a shadow and whispered in my ear, but the other me believed I was deluded, that we were both rather insane. I agreed with her - or she agreed with me - because I was she - or she was I. Desperation / Cold rage motivated me - her. I/She would not kill them all, but they would become sacrifices for Madara-sama's diabolical/glorious design.

Life was confusing.

Tobi had a flair for the dramatic. Gave me a hooded cloak, a mask, and gloves. He'd deviated from my plan in several respects, the main one being the set up: a single, climactic confrontation as opposed to a series of targeted onslaughts with no warning given, no time allowed for negotiation among the Five Nations. I mean, for God's sake, we were ninja. We'd perfected guerilla warfare to a potent art form, yet he was stuck on the idea of "one and done." Well, fine; I saw the appeal. Another alteration was my presence on the battlefield. I thought it was an unnecessary risk since I could hide myself so thoroughly they would never find me, never have a chance to defeat me and undo Edo Tensei. Oh well.

In canon, Kabuto became Grave Robber in Chief. In this world, I guess Tobi earned that distinction. Or maybe he'd made Zetsu do the dirty work. The point was that I had a heck ton of reanimated corpses doing my bidding. Through them, I experienced the Fifth Shinobi War on every front.

I - no, she took great satisfaction in seeing her former comrades struggle.

And struggle they did. Oh, the Alliance coordinated their forces surprisingly well, but though they sometimes succeeded in sealing my minions, I could always break the seals whenever I chose, and Madara was just toying with the Five Kages.

"Quit hiding behind the zombies, you coward!"

The Third Raikage charged the loudmouth, some Cloud kunoichi. I'd very intentionally given the bare-chested man a tunic to cover the scar he'd inflicted on himself so long ago. Without that clue to help the Allied Forces form a strategy, the Raikage made a very effective bodyguard, along with the Second Tsuchikage, Mu. I found a cozy looking spot on a jutting rock and let my focus shift to my other zombie slaves.

The Kyuubi jinchuriki was everywhere, an active participant on each arena of battle. I preferred to kill that particular jinchuriki myself, but tactics and basic sense dictated I steer clear of chakra powerhouses. I'd let him wear himself out first, and when his chakra was depleted and his spirit weary, I'd signal Madara to rip out the Kyuubi.

 **Bitch.**

I didn't like myself very much.

Leaning across my chosen rock, I dabbed a line of sweat with my red-cloud cloak. The mask I wore trapped heat. I wondered how Tobi stood having a damp face all the time. Maybe his mask was more breathable? Cheapskate.

I would be content to leave the worst of the fighting to him, but apparently even two Kage bodyguards were no match for a tactical genius.

"Shadow Possess-"

Some fifty feet away from me, Shikamaru went rigid.

Before the Yamanaka technique could strike, I imbued our conjoined shadows with the heat of fire, blending the spiritual and elemental. It blasted him backwards, but Chouji's giant form caught and cradled him.

"Shikamaru!" Ino cried.

That should have seriously injured him. Instead, he was only frazzled and crisped. My brother's reaction time had improved. He lay in Chouji's enlarged hand, staring up at me with wide eyes and a desperate sort of hope that cut me to the quick - half of me, at least.

" _Shikako_ ," he breathed.

The Allied Forces slowed.

"WHAT?" screeched a very loud, very familiar voice. A voice I hated more than any other. Without another thought, my Shadow Stitching Tendrils whipped out and impaled the source. The clone popped, transferring its knowledge to the original.

And I felt it, when he and every single one of his clones honed in on my position. It felt like a god had turned its face on me.

I would know.

And now a hundred clones and their creator were racing towards me. How troublesome. I sighed and stood. No matter, these eventualities were accounted for. At least I could fight now, and I'd get the chance to try out my chakra storage seals.

The rock I'd been lying on rose well above the ground around it. I simply stepped off the ledge and kept walking calmly over open air. An anti-gravity seal on my back made me virtually weightless even as the natural energy in the air solidified briefly under my feet, letting me direct my movement. (The latter idea came from Bleach - condensing reiatsu under their feet and all - but truth be told, I was sure I would have thought to use natural energy this way on my own. Walking on air was just _so cool_.)

"That's Shikako?" Chouji gaped.

Neck Bind jutsus caught Ino and Chouji from behind, and lightning raced through my shadow and electrified them. Their screams filled the air. Then Shikamaru disrupted the jutsu and took the damage on himself. Ino-Shika-Cho twitched on the rocky ground.

"You are outclassed," I said.

"Shikako," said Ino weakly, desperately. "You're under a genjutsu! You've got to fight it!"

Now, how to kill them? Decisions, decisions.

 **Nope, nope, nope.**

Chouji pushed himself to his feet, determination writ into his eyes.

"We'll bring you back, Shikako," he promised. His body underwent a transformation, first growing thinner at an alarming rate, then sprouting visible chakra from his back. Butterfly wings.

Well, I wasn't one to be outdone.

Black wings unfurled from the anti-gravity seal on my back. They were formed of chakra and ink and shadow, and while the wings weren't necessary for the simple act of defying gravity, I hadn't constructed them for the purpose of looking amazing either. (Though they totally did.) Each "feather" bore an additional seal, all linked to the one on my back. They blasted air and were independently operated, granting me fine-tuned jet propulsion.

Flight.

I flew high so that when my Shadow Stitching Tendril planted a Touch Blast on the ground in the midst of my brother and once-comrades, I was far from the grand explosion. A flash of purple streaked away from the smoke and destruction and crashed into the rocky ground. Ino and Shikamaru staggered to their feet, having been wrapped in and protected by Chouji's wings. Chouji himself panted but grew to a tremendous size.

"Take off the mask," Shikamaru yelled towards me. "We know who you are. Take off that mask, Shikako!"

He wanted to see my face. Of course he did. Knowing and seeing were two different things.

A Shadow Stitching Tendril placed a new seal. Black webbing spread from the central point, racing underfoot of the entire contingent, including my zombies.

"Sealing Art: Zero G."

Ino-Shika-Cho along with the whole army rose into the air, squawking loudly in surprise. With their maneuverability hampered, my Shadow Stitching Tendrils caught them in an elaborate web, piercing limbs and wrapping easily around torsos. There was no escape. Intense heat pulsed from the main branch of shadow and shot through every tendril, bathing them in fire.

Their screams abruptly ended when they were replaced by hundreds of clones and transported beyond the circumference of the seal. Naruto himself rose upwards in his golden Kyuubi cloak, joining me in the sky. Seeing him, every particle of my being rebelled -

- **rejoiced** -

"It's really you, Shikako-chan," he said, looking…joyous. Those shining blue eyes I hated more than anything. "But why are you wearing a creepy mask? Wait, did those bastards do something to your face? I'll slaughter 'em!"

 **I snickered.**

"Fool," I said.

"It's okay, Shikako-chan. If you're ugly now, I'll still -"

"Silence." I lashed out with my shadows.

He dodged, and we both disappeared in a flurry of exchanges. As Sages, we moved faster than the naked eye could track. I flew higher and interposed myself between Naruto and the sun. My shadow stretched long.

"I'll still love -"

"Shut up!"

"I'll shut up if you'll just take off that creepy mask."

What the hell. The mask really was annoying. I pushed back the hood of the cloak and let the mask fall to the earth far below.

Naruto and I stared at each other.

"Sorry," he said, as his eyes filled, "I'm just so happy right now I can hardly stand it."

"I intend to destroy you and Konoha," I reminded him.

"I won't let you kill anyone, Shikako-chan. You'll never forgive yourself when you wake up."

"Then you will die first."

He fisted a hand over his heart. "I feel your hatred, you know. Kurama lets me sense negative emotions, and you're brimming with them. That's why I didn't recognize you at first - 'cause this isn't you, Shikako-chan. Whatever that guy told you, whatever sort of genjutsu he put you under, you can fight it. You're better than he is. You can beat him."

I snorted. "Worry about yourself." And threw a three-pronged kunai at him.

Minato Namikaze burst from the Hiraishin seal.

"Dad!"

"Watch out, Son!"

For over a minute, father and son were naught but flashes of yellow, gold, and orange. Their fight descended, and I followed them, wanting to keep an eye on Minato. He was something of a trump card; didn't want him losing arms or some such thing.

"Naruto," said the Fourth, careening towards him with a Rasengan, "she's the caster of Edo Tensei. If you kill her -"

He dodged. "I'm not gonna kill Shikako-chan!"

" _That's_ my future daughter-in-law?" Minato said, shocked. "Naruto, Son, perhaps I don't have the right to say this, but your mother and I hoped you'd find a nice girl, not a corpse-stealing -"

"It's not like that!" Naruto cried, cheeks flaming red. "She's under genjutsu! And don't say that stuff in front of her!"

"Maybe one or two fewer piercings -"

"Those aren't piercings! They're freaky chakra rod things! Quit being so embarrassing!"

Then Minato landed a punch to Naruto's gut. He would have flown through the air, but a massive samurai formed of purple chakra caught him.

Sasuke had arrived.

"Shadow Sight." I raked the shadows across my eyes.

Genjutsu users were flooding this arena, all of them targeting me. I knew full well there was a central command unit directing the whole of the Allied Forces and that the unit was lead by Shikaku Nara. No doubt he'd begun restrategizing the moment he learned I was here. If Tobi had gone with my plan, this wouldn't be happening. Damn Uchihas and their theatrics.

 **But things were going relatively well. I'd been Splitting myself bit by bit. If the Allies could hold on a little longer...**

"Minato," I said, "channel the Kyuubi's chakra; form your own cloak. Subdue Sasuke Uchiha and Naruto Uzumaki."

He pouted. "This isn't how I imagined getting to know my new daughter."

 **I rolled my eyes.**

My attention had been on this fight, so I'd been ignoring the other arenas of war. The Edo-Tensei-jinchurikis were brought suddenly to my attention when an incredible mass of roiling, malicious energy was launched into the sky. A Tailed Beast Ball.

Suddenly, a telepathic transmission flashed through the ranks of the Alliance. From my height, I could see the heads turning as though to hear more clearly.

Shikamaru's face was stricken. Tears ran down Ino's cheeks.

 **No.**

Horror engulfed me.

No, Madara didn't have the true Rinnegan, only an imitation of them, the Edo Tensei version. The Juubi had not been formed. This shouldn't be happening. Yet a Tailed Beast Ball shot by the Four Tails raced through the sky, poised to - what had Madara said in canon? - cut the head off the snake.

 **No. I wasn't ready.**

And then came a message for me alone: _Dearheart, take care of your mother and brothers._

 **Dad.**

My Shadow Self slammed back into my body. I shrieked as my head tried to split apart from the inside. The chakra receivers embedded in me screamed in defiance.

"MADARA!" I roared.

Far away, a wooden dragon erupted from the ground - looking much like a leafy version of Shenron, I noted distantly - opened its great maw, and tried to swallow the Tailed Beast Ball. The jutsus collided in the sky. The resulting shock wave knocked everyone off their feet. The wind currents whipped me about. As I instinctively stabilized, I felt Madara's displeasure, but right now, he existed solely to do my bidding.

"She's fighting it!"

"She just saved Dad," Shikamaru choked. "She knows us."

The war within my mind, the war for my mind had not ended with the destruction of the Tailed Beast Ball. **I was all in now, fighting the slick, oily chakra that coated my every cell.** My Shadow and Genjutsu Selves battled it out for control of my body. I wondered if the soul could destroy itself.

All around me, friends/enemies/allies/monsters shouted and tried to trap me. Years of instinct kept me free from their clutches. I neutralized their attacks or turned to shadow or flew high.

"Sasuke, get over here!"

They would put me under a genjutsu, given the chance. I couldn't allow that. I refused to be controlled.

"Shikako-chan, it's us! Team Seven, Team Trouble, Lucky Sevens - you're part of us. Remember."

"Naruto, you've got to hold her." That was Sasuke, blunt and terse. "I can't cast -"

A sword formed of malevolent purple chakra swiped downward.

"Madara!"

So much shouting, so much noise...

I just wanted it to end.

The air beside me swirled in a familiar pattern.

"You," said Naruto, his voice like death, as Tobi appeared next to me.

Tobi tried to put a hand on my shoulder, tried to make me look at him. The joke was on him. My body was shadow; my sight flashed in and out. Outlines blurred. Colors swirled.

"Shikako," said Tobi, "remember what they've done, what he's done."

"You get away from her!" yelled Naruto. And he attacked Tobi, who only made the necessary parts of his body incorporeal.

Madara's Susanoo intercepted Naruto.

Minato, shining in a Kyuubi cloak, punched through Susanoo and buried a Rasengan in Madara's stomach. A great cheer went up.

I couldn't keep control of the zombies. **I didn't want to control them.** Did I?

"She has become a liability," said Madara.

"No," said Tobi, "she is an asset. We may need her to awaken young Sasuke's full potential."

Naruto came at me again. I placed a Touch Blast on the Kyuubi cloak.

Chaos. All chaos. Shouting, bright flashes, red eyes.

 _Shikako, come back._ Sasuke's voice. His eyes, spinning _black and red and black and red_ … I lashed out and felt his spirit shrink from mine.

I was Splitting myself again, but not intentionally. Wanting only to escape the chaos, I was shoving myself elsewhere.

"Naruto!" a voice cried.

Despite myself, instinct drew my eyes to Naruto, who was on the ground on all fours. He was - vomiting? The unexpected, sheer weirdness of the sight gave even my turbulent thoughts a pause. He was hunched over. A black mass was forcing itself from Naruto's throat.

The bird. The crow. The fucking crow. The red, red eye that trained on me. The Mangekyo Sharingan of Shishui Uchiha spun.

 _Protect Konoha._

Like a bell tolling within my mind, the vibrations oscillated throughout my body and mind. Little hooks searched for purchase, sinking into my memories.

 _Protect Konoha._

But which memories? I had too many, and it tried to plant even more. I was too far gone. I was not one but **many**. And that command was too damn vague. Protect Konoha how? As Shisui would have? Choosing to die. As Danzo would have? Effing up the world. As Shikako would have? Who even was Shikako?

"Why isn't it working?!"

Orders, entreaties, commands - I couldn't tell who they came from. Tobi, Naruto, me - which **one** of me? - Sasuke, Madara.

Destroy Konoha.

 **Destroy Tobi.**

Destroy Naruto.

 **Destroy myself.**

My shadows grasped the chakra receivers in my body and yanked them out. Blood gushed from the wounds. The pain helped. My sight was returning. My turbulent thoughts were settling. The chaos in my mind was the true enemy. To end it, my selves - and how many of me were there? _Multiple opponents. More than one, less than five._

Where the fuck had that come from?

My selves were coming to a compromise.

"In any case, your genjutsu can hold her no longer. We will control her another way. Zetsu," he commanded. In front of me, Black Zetsu's body sort of...wavered, like jello, before his edges began to liquefy into goop.

"Zetsu," I rasped. "Manifestation of Kaguya's will. Major mama's boy. Abilities vast and largely unknown. Avoid contact."

"Has she...gone mad?" Madara sounded amused. Beside him, Zetsu had paused his jellification and looked properly confounded.

"Madara, kill Zetsu," I said.

"I think not," the Uchiha said calmly. "There is one risk to this jutsu. As long as you know the seal, you can release Edo Tensei's summoning contract itself." His hands moved through the signs of release.

"No," I said. "This is not the Edo Tensei of the Second Hokage or Orochimaru. It is mine. You cannot defy my command."

He paused. He sneered. Then he turned the Rinnegan on Zetsu, who was blasted backwards by Shinra Tensei.

If I'd been in my right mind, the look on his face would have been _fantastic_. As it was, I turned to Tobi. Blood dripped from my nose. I paid it no mind.

"Tobi, Madara, all lies. I know you, Obito Uchiha."

When my hand shot out, he tried to slip into Kamui, but it was not his body I was after. My spiritual energy - my soul - found his, found the core, the black hole inside him. He recoiled from my grasp, but there was no escape. I knew him. I felt his torment, his drive, his zeal, his conflict, his love, his hate, his hope, his hopelessness. No one knew the chaos of warring feelings like Obito.

 _I feel the conflict within you._

I already had a lightsaber. Now I was quoting Luke Skywalker. The maddest desire to cackle overwhelmed me.

Spirit to spirit, I spoke to Obito. "Fall into the black."

And I shoved him.

Next to me, his whole body slumped. His lungs still breathed, his heart still beat, but his lone eye was blank. The Sharingan had deactivated. He was little more than a corpse. At peace. I envied him.

"What the fuck just happened?" someone asked rather wildly. Kiba, I realized distantly. "Is Shikako back on our side?"

"Her chakra is still disrupted," said Hinata.

The Allied Forces surrounded me. Their faces, their chakra, so familiar to me. Yet they caused the turmoil to erupt anew within my spirit. The chaos was unnatural and unwelcome. I wished to end it.

I took to the skies. My wings grew and spread across the sun, casting the battlefield in shadow.

The shadows cast by the rocks, the trees, by the ninja far below me, they all rose and stretched towards me, joined with my shadow, grew thick and dense. My shadows spread across the sky and blocked the sun. As more of the world fell to shadow, I pushed the boundaries towards the distant horizon.

"Shadow Sage Mode activated," I intoned. "Sage Art: Eternal Darkness."

On the ground, the ninja scrambled to escape the unnatural blackness, to retaliate, to discover a weakness to exploit. Any light they generated with chakra and jutsus only created more shadows. Shadows on top of shadows, and they all belonged to me.

A sense of peace settled over me. For the first time in what seemed like forever, the chaotic roiling of my mind began to calm. The darkness was beautiful. My spirit was woven into the very fabric of it, and through it, I felt the ninja who existed within it - not their chakra, though I could feel that too, but their spirits, their mental energy, their emotions. Their fear. Like Shadow Stitching Tendrils and yet not, my spiritual energy coiled around them. The darkness began to soothe them.

"Fall into the black."

They began to fall. It was nothing so dramatic as Obito's plunge. They went little by little. Their wills to fight faded first, then their terror. Those feelings foremost in their conscious I smoothed over, calmed. Dimmed. Times of joy, precious memories grew dull and gray. Precious people -

"Oh hell no," someone growled. "Not. Gonna. Work."

A burst of golden flames almost blinded me.

"You can't make me forget what it feels like to love you, Shikako-chan. I told you there's nothing you can do about it."

The chaos regained a foothold in my mind. It pressed upon the backs of my eyes; it wailed like the frightened voice of a child. I could not allow it to go further. Shadows curled around Naruto even as I searched for the dark spot in his mind.

His spirit did not recoil from mine as Obito's had, did not shrink like Sasuke's.

It welcomed me.

Embraced me.

… … …

I blinked.

The room - seal space - interdimensional chamber - mindscape - whatever - was vast and bright. There was no up, no down, no end to it. I experienced a long moment of utter stillness. It was like floating in the ocean, encapsulated by an entity so vast, so much greater than yourself, that you either yielded to it or were driven mad. I yielded. I relaxed. I felt the pieces of myself stitching themselves back together. I was fully me, Shikako Nara.

Behind me, a mass of bubbling red chakra snarled. I spun around to see the Kyuubi raising a massive paw, claws shining and lethal. I froze in sheer terror.

"Oi!"

And suddenly, a flash of orange stood between me and those claws.

"Don't hurt Shikako-chan!"

"She is no longer your friend," said Kurama. "She intends to force you into a living death."

"You've been wrong twice before, baka fox! Shikako-chan will wake up belong long. She'll beat it! She'll come back!"

"Naruto?"

He froze. Twitching, almost spasming, he turned. He looked scared to death. Terrified his fragile hope would shatter. When his gaze fell on me, I quirked my lips in a smile.

"Long time, no see."

His chin wobbled, blue eyes shimmered. Then he flung his arms around me. Even in this spiritual plane, his warmth seeped into me. I relaxed in his embrace. A sob shook him.

"Sorry," I murmured.

His arms tightened around me. " _You're_ sorry? I lost you, and I couldn't find you. I never stopped looking - but I couldn't -"

"I know," I said. "I could sense you sometimes, but I couldn't go to you."

"But you're here now, and you're _you_."

"Yes, and how is that possible?" I wondered aloud. "Genjutsu affects the chakra system, which is formed of mental and physical energies, but if this is a spiritual plane, then only my mind - my spirit - whatever - could cross? So the taint of the genjutsu was left behind?" I shrugged. "Best guess on a moment's notice. Of course, it might have more to do with mental versus spiritual energies. The distinction between them is nebulous at best. Mostly, we equate them." After a moment, I added, "But there's more to it than that."

I had not entered this spiritual plan of my own will. Naruto had drawn me in. The true me...the "me" that he loved. In a sense, Naruto had purified me. For that to be possible, for love to bridge a divide between souls - even I, with all my foreknowledge, was unprepared for the evidence of so great a love. It humbled me. It warmed me. It shook me to my core.

I glanced at Naruto.

Caught between a smile and a squinty-eyed frown of bewilderment, Naruto only succeeded in looking comical. The sight made my heart ache. I'd missed him. I pressed my cheek against his chest and breathed him in. Memorized the feel of being whole once more.

"Oi, lovebirds," said Kurama, "we've got company."

I saw it over Naruto's shoulder. A swirling black hole in the distance.

"My jutsu is still active," I said.

"It itches," Kurama growled.

"Yeah, it makes me feel weird, Shikako-chan, like all the color's getting sucked out of the world. It's sorta pulling me towards it. Erm, what is it?"

"The core of yourself, the deepest part of your soul, something like that."

The black hole was growing larger. When I glanced at Naruto, he twisted his face to make fish lips. It was a strange reaction. A befuddled sort of pout?

"Why's my soul a black hole?" he whined. "That's lame. And depressing. And a lot of other things."

"It's more or less the same for everyone," I assured him. "My shadows have stirred it up at bit. Let's see if I can…" I trailed off as I began to concentrate. Those were indeed my shadows swirling around the edges, agitating it, egging it onwards. At my call, the shadows returned to me.

"Oh, good," I said, relieved. "How do you feel now?"

Naruto stared at the now calm black hole. "Better?" he offered doubtfully. "Can we, um, get away from that thing?"

"I don't know. If distance is a construct of the physical world, can it exist in a spiritual realm such as this?"

Above me, Kurama snorted. Without a word, he snatched us up in his paws and leaped. My mind wanted to go blank with this realization of my worst fear. _It was touching me._ But...it could be worse. The evil taint of its chakra had not vanished entirely, but mixed with it was something, some feeling that reminded me of Naruto. I could deal.

"Do either of you know what's going on in the actual world?"

"Your jutsu is still active," Kurama said.

"Then we need to act quickly," I said, "before more people fall. Am I - is my body feeding the jutsu?"

I couldn't be sure how powerful the warped genjutsus were - enough to keep pushing chakra into the jutsu?

"No," said Kurama after a moment. "The jutsu stopped expanding when Naruto kissed you."

"Beg pardon?"

Naruto choked, "It seemed like the thing to do?"

"The sensation was unpleasant," Kurama continued. "So I broke the kiss when I took control of Naruto's body."

That was...well, it was something.

"Naruto and I are holding you upright. If we dropped your body, I suspect you would simply fall."

 _I would float, thank you very much._ My seal wouldn't be affected.

Naruto interrupted. "You can get back to your body, right? And be normal again?"

I wasn't sure what would happened when I returned to my actual body and didn't want to mention I might have gone bat shit insane. Considering all the genjutsus layered over me and the extent to which I'd Split myself, it would take time to sort through the tangles. And Kotoamatsukami would be a bitch to pull out.

I said slowly, "Naruto, I've got about seven high level genjutsus all fighting to control me. To fight them off, I've - well, you can't do what I did and expect to come out unharmed. I might not be myself for a while, but in time..."

He'd bit his lip in worry and in thought, searching for a way to make this better. He didn't realize he already had. I didn't know how to put into words what he, simply by loving me, had done for me. Instead, he was left with all the anxious helplessness that came with watching a loved one suffer.

I hated that I was the one, always the one to hurt him. I just...ached. I wished I had more time. I wish I could promise that I would see him at the end of this, that I would still be whole, still be the Shikako he loved. Wished I could tell him -

"Naruto, you stole my third kiss, didn't you?"

Panicked, he waved his hands wildly. "Y-yeah, but you told me all those stories about the princess under a terrible curse and how the prince kisses her or the other way around, like the frog prince one - I still think it should be a toad, not a frog - and you were under a genjutsu, which is like a curse, right? So what I did made sense!"

"Are you telling me to take responsibility?" I asked wryly.

"Yes!"

Without further ado, I stretched onto my tiptoes, slid my hand around his neck, and pressed my lips to his. It was sweet and gentle and all too short. When I pulled back, I smiled at his stunned expression.

"There. Now we're even." I took a deep breath and rallied my courage. "Come on. We have to finish saving the world."

My dry tone made him smile.

"Yosh!"

… … …

The various genjutsu still infested my chakra, still had a hold on my body and mind, still wanted to influence me, still pushed forward memories that were not my own. They had warped and melded and got their their hooks into my entire chakra system. No, not hooks. The genjutsus were like tar, sticking to everything and gumming up the works. The chaos was real.

The difference was that I - my true self - was whole once more, and to paraphrase Albus Dumbledore, the strength of an intact soul was not to be taken lightly.

I pushed my chakra through the Gelel stone and slipped into the shadows. With no physical body, the strength of the genjutsus waned, if slightly. I was just clear-minded enough to recall the shadows of Eternal Darkness. I brought them to me and let them cloak me. Together, my shadows and I faded into crevices of the rocks and roamed to the nearest forest.

The trees soothed me, gave me strength. Slowly but surely, I isolated the false memories, feelings, and compulsions. I ripped them from me. It was painful and hideous and left behind wounds, like spiritual scorch marks. I slipped into the shadowy depths of riverbeds and let the water cool the burning. Traces of the tar remained. Its residue would have to be scraped off. It would take time to flush and purify my chakra sysem and would leave more wounds. More importantly, I was in command again. I could trust myself once more.

I searched out Shikamaru and Naruto. They were together. Good. Less work for me.

No, not good. The closer I got, the more I could sense the cacophony of their emotions. Shika had grabbed Naruto's jacket.

"She was herself again!" Naruto was babbling. "She was in my head or wherever and -"

"Then where is she?!"

Unceremoniously, I reformed in my brother's shadow. He froze and stared at me. From the corner of my eye, I saw a sudden bristling as a flurry of kunai sprang to hands. I paid those shinobi no mind. My focus stayed on Shikamaru. He took a single step towards me, disbelieving and hopeful and frightened -

"Shika," I said, and that broke the spell. His arms went around me, and I buried my face in the crook of his neck. It felt so good and right to be held, soothing me in a way my shadows couldn't. How long we stayed that way, I couldn't say, but at some point, I peeked over Shika's shoulder to see Naruto wearing a huge smile.

"You're hurt," Shika murmured, and his arms tightened around me.

Physically, nothing more than a few bruises and chakra exhaustion was wrong with me, but Shika had sensed a deeper hurt.

"I'm healing," I said.

When my brother and I finally pulled apart, I saw a flash of blonde hair and found myself being tackle-hugged by Ino, then Sakura. Chouji picked us all up in a group hug. Kiba joined in and turned it into a dog pile. Sasuke pulled me from it, hugged me, and admonished me. "You made Naruto worry."

I tightened my hug. "Sorry."

More of our friends came over, Neji included. So yay, we'd avoided that tragic death at least. For the first time in months, I relaxed. The sun shone bright and warm. Colors were more vibrant. Even the browns and grays of stone and earth seemed beautiful to me. I leaned against Shika and listened to them fill in the months of my absence.

At some point, Ino bemoaned my latest fashion choices, most notably my red-cloud cloak.

"It's surprisingly comfy," I said, holding up my arms and gesturing to the enormous sleeves. "Maybe I'll turn it into a bathrobe or something."

Naruto laughed. Sasuke snorted. Shikamaru groaned.

Then things got serious again. There were explanations and reassurances I had to give. Most shinobi continued to watch me warily. Some even called for my arrest, which got my friends and brother worked up. The Raikage quelled the suspicion when he arrived, stared me down, and said, "You make a lousy villain, Nara. Can't be bothered to finish what you start."

"You make a lousy hero," I replied. "You left all the hard work to a chunin." I jabbed a finger at Naruto. "By the way, I need to take care of Madara now."

An instant jolt of panic shot through our listeners.

"Don't worry," I added. "He'll be on his best behavior."

Madara returned to me carrying the quickly dissolving body of Black Zetsu. Disintegrating might be a better word. His skin sort of flaked off and disappeared into the air. I was satisfied he would bother the world no more.

 _Suck it, Kaguya._

Then, with the Five Kage, a few Edo Tensei'd Kage, and hundreds of shinobi looking on, I released Madara's spirit and set a Touch Blast on his corpse. The strength of the explosion was a little excessive, but it made me feel better. I might have cackled.

The Fourth Hokage scratched at his cheek. "Well, she does remind me a little of Kushina after all."

People finally acknowledged that the war was over and the Five Nations were victorious. The atmosphere brightened accordingly.

After that, it was time to end Edo Tensei for the rest of them. Naruto and his father had a touching moment that I tried not to intrude upon. After all, I had finally reunited with my own father and would be content to remain tucked under his arm for a long time to come. However, it was Minato who intruded.

The Fourth Hokage drew me aside and tried to give me pointers on dispelling genjutsu. Really.

"I appreciate your concern, Hokage-sama, but I'm quite skilled at throwing off genjutsu."

He looked at me doubtfully.

I sighed. "A genjutsu cast by the Mangekyo Sharingan is a rather extreme case, quite out of the ordinary."

"It's true, sensei," said Kakashi-sensei, smiling with his eye. "I daresay she has more natural skill than you in this matter."

"Yeah," chirped Naruto, "Shikako-chan's awesome like that."

Minato looked rather put out.

"If you're offering lessons," I said, "I'd love to hear about a seal Jiraiya-sama mentioned to me."

"The Hiraishin," he interrupted, puffing up a little. "It's quite the technique indeed, but a full explanation of its intricacies would take more time than we have at present."

"Not the Hiraishin," I said apologetically. "I understand it already. I'm more interested -"

The sputtering made me pause. Then Minato Namikaze, the Yellow Flash, the Fourth Hokage, began to interrogate me. There was no other way to put it. He quizzed me in depth in harried whispers about the Hiraishin. A crease in his brow deepened when it was clear I had full command of the theoreticals aspects of his greatest technique. Then he moved on to other seals. Before long, it became a contest of knowledge, using jargon that only Kakashi-sensei had a prayer of understanding.

As the interrogation continued, I became cognizant of a few things. I was standing next to a legend. I was not overawed or speechless. I was...irked. Dad, too, looked distinctly unamused.

Naruto, for whatever reason, had stars in his eyes.

"Let's cut the bullshit, Hokage-sama," I said, with a hint of temper. "You want to be impressive and heroic in front of your son, and you're feeling inadequate because my knowledge of fuinjutsu rivals and perhaps surpasses your own. I assure you, you could most certainly kick my ass in taijutsu and ninjutsu."

Minato gaped, bopped a fist onto his other palm, and said, "So that's what it is. How curious. Jealousy. Of my daughter."

Onlookers chuckled.

"Your what?" my dad said flatly.

"Daughter," Minato repeated. "In-law. Future daughter-in-law. Funny how things work out, eh, Shikaku?"

The two fathers' eyes met, and something zapped between them. Um, what?

My dad broke the silence. "It was my understanding that your son's feelings were not returned."

A pregnant pause ensued. Internally, I was cringing and wishing for a quick end to this conversation. There were plenty of things I needed to say to Naruto. Without an audience.

"What?!" Minato's voice was loud. I'd always assumed Naruto's volume came from Kushina. Nope. Minato turned the bullhorn that was his voice on me. "My son is incredible! Any girl in her right mind would return his feelings!"

Oh, the irony. I had almost lost my mind. Naruto had buried his face in his hands. I was half surprised that steam wasn't rising from his ears. Shikamaru listened with barely concealed surprise.

But Minato was not done. "When I saved Kushina from being kidnapped, she was grateful and impressed and thought I was rather dashing! Naruto just saved the world! What more do you want?"

"Actually," Dad said, and no one could mistake that particular calm for his usual complacency, "Shikako fought off a powerful genjutsu, incapacitated the false Madara, destroyed Zetsu by manipulating the real Madara -"

"After she summoned him from the dead! Naruto saved the world from _her_."

I had the terrible feeling an old rivalry had just reignited - indeed, had grown stronger with the addition of two children at its epicenter. I seriously did not want to deal with this now. I was irritable and almost out of my mind with exhaustion.

"Hokage-sama," I interrupted. "We still need to transfer Kurama's other half to Naruto. Think you can take care of it yourself? Or should I do it?"

He bristled. Challenge accepted.

That bought me about two minutes of peace and quiet. Dad swung me on his back, and I rested my head on his shoulder.

They all had yet another round of goodbyes as I moved through the hand seals of Edo Tensei's release. As a column of light enveloped him, Minato regained a more dignified demeanor and imparted rather beautiful sentiments to us all, along with a final message to Naruto. I could see why he was almost universally admired, respected, and feared.

"You don't actually know how to seal a bijuu, do you?" Minato asked me slyly.

Until he opened his big, fat mouth.

"Eh, Shikako-chan?" Minato sing-songed.

"This imbecile just won't go quietly," Dad bemoaned.

"He will if he wants grandchildren," I groused.

The abrupt silence was a pleasant change, even if I didn't understand the reason for it. Finally, I grew curious enough to peel open my tired eyes. I blinked.

Naruto was red-faced with his mouth agape.

Shikamaru had raised his brows.

Ino hid a smile.

Sasuke looked amused.

Minato beamed.

I ran over my words, came to the same logical interpretation as everyone else, and groaned. "Shikako out."

It wasn't that simple, not with all the activity going on around me. Dad wasn't about to put me down, and I wasn't about to let him go.

My ears picked up on tidbits of conversation, but the last thing I really heard and understood was Zabuza growling to Kakashi-sensei, "Your brat pack grew into a bunch of monsters. What do you feed them?"

… … …

I had not lied to Naruto when I said I'd been damaged. In the days after the war, I was confined to a tent and left to sleep without being disturbed. Dad and Shikamaru warded off most of my visitors, only allowing my team in. I felt their presence in an abstract way. Now that I had surrendered to this necessary phase of healing, my awareness of the world around faded.

I heard them talk to me, and occasionally, I responded.

I felt when they moved me via stretcher back to Konoha. They didn't take me to the hospital; I could recover best at home where there were plenty of Naras on hand. I did summon the strength to stand and walk through the front door on my own.

"Tadaima," I called softly, and a mini-Shikamaru skidded into view.

"Nee-san?"

In the blink of an eye, I had an armful of baby brother - a stunning reminder of just how fast we Nara could be when we put in a little effort.

… … …

I was alive. Actually alive. As in living and breathing.

It took many days, many weeks for that truth to sink in. The war was over. Our enemies were destroyed.

And I was alive.

I had expected to die. All along, I had known the future, or aspects of it, and in some strange way, I had thought my life would extend to last point in time I could remember. And no further.

That was not something I'd mention to Shikamaru.

… … …

I didn't know what to do with myself. I'd lived most of my life here, and certainly in the time Before, in peacetime. However, in the almost two decades of my life in Konoha, I had always been preparing to battle veritable psychopaths with seriously skewed definitions of peace.

It was the source of my motivation.

Always in the background a feeling of terror had loomed. With that gone, nothing came to fill the vacuum.

I didn't know what came next.

I had to learn to live the in quiet. I meditated and read novels, even starting writing one, which I soon abandoned because it, quite frankly, was awful. I could still create seals like nobody's business and rock the occasional department from its foundation, but I couldn't do that all the time.

I napped. A lot.

Naruto griped that I'd become a lazy ass like my two brothers. Shikamaru welcomed my return to the fold.

… … …

About three months after the war had ended, I went outside to tend to the deer, but this turned out to be one of those mornings when I couldn't summon the energy to return to the house.

The sun was high, and the day was unseasonably warm. I spotted cozy patch of grass in the shade and drifted to sleep. I don't know if I dreamed or how long I napped, but when I woke, the sun had shifted, leaving only my feet in the shade. I enjoyed the heat on my bare skin. Even more, I enjoyed basking in the innate comfort of Naruto's presence.

My chakra sense had alerted me to his arrival, but his chakra was so familiar, so very welcome that it was the most natural thing world to accept his presence beside me. Such a choice didn't need conscious thought; it was instinctive. I opened my eyes to see Naruto sitting quietly beside me, keeping careful watch. Looking like he'd always belonged there.

He _had_ always belonged there.

My heart warmed like the sun-soaked grass, and a final missing piece clicked into place.

Then I realized Naruto was staring at me, wearing a dumbstruck look. Spellbound.

Pushing myself upright, I felt more than a little woozy, at sea with how to proceed. Each time I opened my mouth, my heart rate kicked into high gear. My eyes darted around and landed on the takeout by Naruto's side.

"Did you bring lunch?" I asked, grasping at normalcy.

We ate slowly and awkwardly. I kept sneaking glances, and he looked unnerved or something. Was I behaving so very oddly? It made me self-conscious.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, clearing his throat.

"Better," I managed, "like myself again."

If he had endured these fluttery feelings for years I had newfound respect for him. Even more, it made me all the more determined to give Naruto the answer he'd waited so long for.

Rallying my courage, I lay the chopsticks down carefully and twisted the trash into hammerspace. My mouth had gone terribly dry. I channeled an iota of chakra into the seal in my cheek and swallowed the water. Finally, I faced him. He gulped.

"Naruto, I have feelings for you. Will you please go out with me?"

Silence.

Dead silence.

I was at a loss. I'd spoken the proper words, but he was not giving me the proper response. My insides were knots on top of knots, and he was simply in a stupor. I must have jumped into this too suddenly. I should have led up to the confession, eased him into it. How exactly I would have gone about that was a mystery to me. My own brain had lost most of its proper functioning.

"Erm, Naruto?"

"I died, didn't I?" he blurted out, rather wildly. "I don't remember - _oh shit_ , did you die too, or this, like, Infinite Tsukuyomi or something?"

"Um, no?" I tried once more. "Naruto, I have feelings for you." A pause. An old memory brought me a moment of humor. "Passionate feelings."

"Kai!"

His exclamation startled me.

"This isn't Tsukiyomi," I said, but it was clear he was still disbelieving. "Come on. Let's go see Sasuke. Race you there?" I was eager to have this settled, and Sasuke's brain shouldn't be so impaired.

Naruto followed automatically. We flickered over to our old training ground where Sasuke was moving through his katas. Naruto walked next to me, twitching every now and then.

"Shikako," said Sasuke warmly. "You look good."

"Thanks. Now, listen. Naruto needs assurances that we are not, in fact, under the influence of Infinite Tsukuyomi. Please convince him of this."

Sasuke blinked.

"We destroyed the Rinnegan," he said. "Ages ago. Nagato, Hidden Rain. Shikako literally reached into his skull and -"

"But Madara had the Rinnegan, too!" protested Naruto.

"Mere reflections of the true ones. Like ghosts. Besides, we killed Madara and destroyed his body. Come to think of it, that was Shikako's doing, too."

"But how do I know we killed him? What if that was just his way of making me drop my guard?"

Sasuke looked between us. He crossed his arms. "What's going on, dead last."

Naruto jabbed a finger at me, rather accusing. "She confessed to me!" He sounded strangled and hopeful and strangled on hope all at once.

Sasuke raised his brows in surprise, but after a moment in which he confirmed it with me, he clapped a hand on Naruto's shoulder and said with genuine warmth, "Congrats." And to me, "Took you long enough."

I scowled. "I'll just have to make up for lost time."

Naruto was still disbelieving. A tick formed above my brow. I mean, I know I'd been putting him off for years, but my actions during the war should have made things clear to him.

I tried for patience and explained, "Naruto, you once made me promise you'd be the first I'd tell, and I'm telling you. I have feelings for you."

"Since when?" he practically shrieked.

"Since -" That was a good question. "I'm not entirely sure, but probably for a year or two? Though I was in denial for a while."

He gaped.

"Naruto, you can't seriously doubt me, right?" I was incredulous. "I practically confessed to you during the war, and I did kiss you then."

"So much was going on!" he said. "You weren't really yourself, and you never said anything after!"

"I'm - you're right. I'm sorry it took so long. I pulled a Voldemort, and it's not like remorse alone would put me back together. I've been more like Humpty -"

"Shikako-chan, you're making references I can't understand again."

"- Dumpty, and even though I'd pretty much stitched the pieces of my soul back together, those wounds hadn't healed. I've been out of it."

"Now, wait. Don't feel guilty. I didn't mean -"

"Naruto, I have feelings for you. If this was a battle, you've won. I need you to accept that."

He still - _still!_ \- looked confused. Bewildered. It was as though he hoped for this for so long that he was terrified to let himself accept it. That kinda sorta broke my heart, but I was not to be deterred from my current mission.

I - yes, I stomped my foot on the ground like a child who wasn't getting her way. "Why is it so hard to believe?"

" _Because I didn't do anything!_ " he exploded. He waved his arms wildly. "I didn't - I wasn't - I just sitting there, and you woke up looking like _that_ and - and smiling at me - and then…"

Sasuke had long since fled.

Just as well.

It took a bit of clever footwork on my part. Naruto had incredible reflexes, but I was determined. We tumbled. It was more of a body slam, in truth. Naruto hit the ground hard. I planted my hands on either side of his head. I was on my knees leaning over him, and my braid fell down beside his cheek.

His eyes were so round and blue and beautiful.

"You did everything," I said.

Then I covered his mouth with mine and kissed him as thoroughly as I knew how. He wasn't so baffled that he failed to return the kiss. When I pulled away, we were both breathing heavily.

My voice softened. "I messed up once before, but you can tell the difference between then and now, right?"

He stared at me. If that hadn't convinced him, then I had zero ideas on what to do next.

Then suddenly the earth and sky switched places. Grass tickled my neck. A heavy weight settled on top of me, but I wasn't suffocated, wasn't caged, wasn't threatened. His arm cushioned my head, showing far more gentleness than I had.

He hovered over me.

"This is okay?" he asked. Demanded.

My hand slid around his neck and rested in his hair. "This is more than okay."

And I waited for him to make the next move.

Slowly, he leaned down. Too slowly. I closed the distance.

Before long, he really got into the spirit of things. I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him closer.

… … …

"Really, though, since when?"

Some time later, Naruto and I were strolling arm and arm around Konoha. Couldn't much say where all we'd been. I vaguely remembered having dango.

"Hard to say exactly," I replied. "Maybe subconsciously since that night in your apartment?"

He gaped.

"I - I - _I knew it!_ "

Hm. I hadn't expected that.

"I knew it 'cause you looked at me that time like - I don't know how to describe it, but I did not sleep that night _at all_ 'cause I kept wondering why you looked at me like that and put your hand -" he pressed my hand to his chest - "right here, so I figured you'd probably fallen hard for me, but I was scared I was wrong, you know. Then you never said anything, and you promised to tell me, and -"

When the sun began to set, he walked me home and kissed me goodbye on my doorstep.

"I love you," I said, just to clarify in case he came up with some wild theory in the night. Then I stood on my tiptoes and gave his lips a peck. Then another and another, because I could. "My intentions towards you are not entirely pure and noble."

That last bit probably muddied the waters, but it was the literal truth. He'd warmed me to my marrow, and I wanted nothing more than surrender to the fire.

A dazed look crossed his face, so he'd correctly read my tone at least. I kissed him once more and made to go inside.

"But really, how do I know this isn't Tsukiyomi?"

I turned back and smiled at him. "Guess I'll just have to keep telling you until you believe me. Tomorrow and the next day and the next and so on. I'll always love you."

The dazed looked returned. "Oh, okay."

He walked away slowly and kept glancing back, as though to confirm I wasn't an apparition.

"Oi! Naruto!"

He paused.

"It's the promise of a lifetime!"

THE END

.

.

(Or not?)

.

.

In the middle of the night, I woke to the sound of Naruto's harried whispering. My sleepy brain did not function well at such ungodly hours. I was in my bed in my parent's home, right? Yes. For a moment, I thought I'd gotten caught up in a time skip, leaping forward to a future when Naruto and I lived together.

 _Not yet_ , a corner of my mind pouted.

But why else would he be leaning over me in the middle of the night? I was now quite certain I had only left him a few hours earlier after having confessed my love and kissed him to the point of delirium. Yet here he was...

"Shikako-chan," he hissed again.

"Whussamatter?" I mumbled, bleary eyed.

"I forgot to say 'I love you' back! I mean, I didn't forget! I was thinking it the whole time, but I didn't _say_ it, and I didn't want you to think it was because I didn't because I _do_. I _do_ love you, Shikako-chan, and I couldn't sleep because I had to make sure you knew -"

"Naruto," I said, completely touched and completely exasperated. "I know that you love me. You've been telling me for ages now."

It was very sweet he'd gotten so worked up about it. I told him so.

"In the future, though," I continued, "I hope you don't make this middle of the night rendezvous a habit. Or if you do, you have to make it sufficiently worth my while."

"Eh?"

"I am referring to our sleeping together."

Honestly, I had zero experience in that matter, both in this life and in my last. However, Naruto was probably the one person in all of Konoha above the age of twelve more innocent than I was. That gave me some confidence to tease him.

In the dim light, I couldn't see much of his face, but I absolutely certain his face was red as a tomato. "Shi-Shikako-chan!" he cried in a muffled voice. "You shouldn't say stuff like that."

"What?" I pouted. "You don't want to?"

He made a strangled sound. "Of course I do, but we can't talk about it now. Not in your parents' house!"

"You are the one who just broke into your girlfriend's room, the girlfriend whose father is the Jounin Commander, who in fact sleeps upstairs." I checked. "Who is in fact no longer asleep."

Naruto just quirked his head quizzically.

My door opened slowly, ominously. The shadows did interesting things to Dad's face. The scars were thrown into sharp relief, granting him the sort of menacing aura his enemies must see.

"Young man, do you know what hour of the night it is?"

Naruto finally seemed to get it. He gulped. "Erm, Nara-oji - er - _sama_ , I - am sorry? Uh - I'm gonna go now?"

"That would be wise," Dad replied. Honestly, I had an inkling he was enjoying himself.

Naruto body-flickered out the window. I rolled over and curled up in the covers.

"Your younger brother is upstairs," Dad said disapprovingly.

"I didn't know he was coming."

"But you keyed Naruto to your seals," he noted. "In the future, I'd much prefer you carry on at his apartment."

"Da-ad," I cried and buried my head in my pillow. I couldn't believe it. I could _not_ believe it. Teasing Naruto was one thing, a very enjoyable thing. Having Dad tease me - gods, no. Never again.

I shivered in my covers as my dad closed the door behind him. I couldn't go back to sleep though.

Come to think of it, Dad had brought up something very interesting. Interesting enough to haul myself out of bed at this horrific hour and investigate. I moved to the window Naruto had come through and exited from. How the hell had he bypassed my seals?

I picked up a straw doll where my seal had been and stared at the blank wood of my windowsill. I looked back and forth for over a minute.

What the actual fuck?

.

* * *

 _._

 _Couldn't resist the last bit. Hope it's clear that Naruto used a Replacement jutsu. I'm sure this makes zero sense in the world of DOS, but the thought made me laugh. The really funny thing is that I actually ship Shikako x Sasuke :)_

 _In any case, this was so much fun to write!_


End file.
